APPRECIATING FATHERS

As the world celebrates another Father’s Day, I am humbled by the singled privilege and honor to appreciate all fathers of the world today and always. We often forget and take for granted the sacrifices of our fathers and the role they played in shaping our lives. I appreciate you all beyond words and imaginations because you deserve our honor. We honor not only our biological fathers but all who have played a fatherly role in our lives: Step fathers, uncles, grandfathers and big brothers as well as mentors. We should always remember and express gratitude to these people for the help to mould us into what we are today and even what we shall become in future including those our lives shall impart.

Father’s Day is a special day of great significance for everyone. Everyone has a father; whether living or dead, known or unknown, present or away and responsible or irresponsible. It’s a day of commemoration and celebration of Dads. We use this day to honor our fathers all over the world and celebrate fatherhood. It helps to acknowledge the enormous contributions of fathers in individual families and to society at large; provide children an opportunity to express thanks, love and respect for their fathers. This sentiment goes a long way to strengthen father-child relationship and in the emotional development of children. Children depend on fathers for spiritual, emotional, physical, financial and social wellbeing. Honoring a father means more than buying dad a new shirt or tie on Father’s Day morning. It includes the concepts of showing gratitude and practicing obedience. It also avails mothers an opportunity to re-appreciate their heads, the symbol of authority and the father of their children.

In our world today many people struggle to define what it means to be a father. Among them are those who did not know their fathers while growing up. Their fathers could have died in their infancy or at war or in incarceration; may have separated or divorced with their mothers because of irreconcilable differences.  Whatever is the case, they were absent in their lives. Hear this from Richard Henry Dana: “One night a father overheard his little son pray: “Dear God, make me the kind of man my daddy is.” Late that night the father prayed, “Dear God, make me the kind of man my son want me to be.” Some Christians today struggle with this question all life; may have had not too great a time with their dads but are determined to tow new paths. Others have great memories of the bonding and rapport they had with their dads growing up and thrive to meet it or improve on it, with their kids in this age and time.

 An earthly man should draw his fatherhood portrait from our Heavenly Father. Indeed, no human experience can meet the fatherhood God, our Heavenly Father offers and gives but can learn and emulate it. The word, father could mean different things to different people. It all depends on how the person was raised and the relationship one had with his earthly father. It could stand for one who procreates [offspring as a male parent] or one who adopts a child or help raise a child. A father could stand for a male parent of an animal. It could also represent male ancestors or used a title out of respect for an elderly or venerable man or one who leads men in a city called “City Father.” A father also stands for a man who creates, originates or found something or symbolizes a Priest or Clergyman in Roman Catholic or other Churches

We live in a society and culture where unfortunately, fatherhood is greatly devalued and demeaned as well as ridiculed. This society practices legality without morality and is quickly emerging into a deceased state. Many people just see fathers as a toy for sexual procreation and satisfaction.  Others do not even need one because they have a new device or an alternative for sexual enjoyment and fulfillments. Some have been kicked out of the house as a scapegoat for obtaining child support, freedom to take on other men and enjoy marathon sexual funs and the euphoria of same sex experiences. Fathers who survived the above mentioned have been short down in their homes either because their spouses bake more bacon or for other subjective reasons. They live lonely together and become slave in their homes. The Church ought to stand up against these misconstrued images and behavior meted to fathers. The society should have to rethink about family values; restores and uphold the authorities of fathers in marriage institution.

The scripture urges children to honor their father and mother for this is the first commandment with a promise; that it may be well with you and you may live long on earth. Father’s do not provoke your children to wrath but bring them up in the nurture [training] and admonition of the Lord [Ephesians 6:2-4]. It is not only the duty of children to honor their parents but also the duty of parents to deserve that high regard by raising their children in the Christian upbringing and discipline [tough love]. The book of Proverbs gives the following injunctions: “Train up a child in the way which he should go and when he grows up he will not depart from it.”[Proverbs 22:6]. “Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.” [Proverbs 22:15]. “Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beat him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shall beat him with the rod and shall deliver his soul from hell” [Proverbs 23:13-14]. “Chasten thy son while there is hope and let not thy soul spare for his crying” [Proverbs 19:18]. “Whosoever curses his father or his mother, his lamp shall be put off in obscure darkness” [Proverbs 20:20]. Also read: Proverbs 17:6; 29:10, 15, 17.

Fatherhood comes from God of all creation. He made man in His image and likeness and to produce after his own kind. Abraham was ninety nine years old and God called him and said to him, “I’m Almighty God, walk before me and be blameless……..I will make you a father of all nations [Genesis 1:27-28; 17:1ff]. It’s not manmade. Not every man can be a father; not every father is a dad. God created a man with all best intent. He’s the only person that can make a man, a father. God did not create a woman to be a man or a dad. God made a man a head; didn’t create a woman as a helpmate to preside over a man in the house, Church and society. Every man who fathers a child has a moral and sacred responsibility to that child. By divine design, fathers are to lead; invariably preside over their families in love and righteousness. They are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for the families. The best father is one who knows God as his Heavenly Father; places his trust in Jesus Christ and pledge his loyalty to Him alone. Only Jesus Christ can provide that relationship [John14:6]. He should be a covenant person who has been circumcised in the heart and has passion for family and humanity. The purpose of God is to make fathers in His image and likeness to portray the same quality that our Heavenly Father has: lead, provide and protect.

Again, through fathers and mothers, children are born into the world. Like my mother often tells me, “If God did not want me to be your mother, I wouldn’t have conceived you.” The DNA of the father is always in the child. The reason the bible commands children to honor their father and mother. Confucius once said, “Fathers like mothers are not born. Men grow into fathers and fathering is a very important stage in man’s development.” Also, “Red Bottoms opined, “I don’t care how poor a man is, if he has a family, he’s rich.” Some religious denominations think that because God is a Spirit, He can be addressed as He or She. This thought makes ordinary [religious] sense but biblically misleading. This new imagining thought process could be dangerously deceitful. But God is an Almighty Father and joins in the celebration of Fatherhood. He is also the Head of Jesus Christ [I Corinthians 11:3]. Every human experiences of fatherhood come from the Father of all creation and the Father of the Lord Jesus Christ…. [Ephesians 1:3].

Fatherhood begins when a man is born into a family. He conceives a vision and he marshals out goals to achieve the vision. Part of the reason of his vision is to accomplish why he was born and belong to greater family.  He brings home a helper [a spouse] to assist him in his quest. It does not matter if the spouse may have come from a richer family background, have more education and /or bakes more bacon. What is important is that the man and the woman have cleaved together and become a unit and a couple [Genesis 2:24]. The mere fact that the man is married makes him a responsible person; for he fulfills God’s provision for a man – for it’s not good for man to be alone [ Proverbs 14:1; 18:22]. The man becomes a head of the family and be accorded such respect and honor. As God bless them with children, they become part of the success story of the marriage. The children live the life their father envisioned. The child may to his surprised see himself do what the father does [Proverbs 17:6]. When He looks at him, he sees his father in himself, because the DNA of the Father is in the child. This reflection is found in every child – male or female. Have you ever been puzzled by how your father’s life resembles his father’s, his grandfather’s and yours? Little wonder Jesus said, “If you have known me you should have known my Father also………Believe me that I am in the father and the Father in me…..[John 14:7, 11].

We appreciate our fathers because they have given us opportunity to life and success. Your father is a gift from God. He’s a symbol of authority [not a carpet] and has spiritual oversight over the home, the Church and the society. So when Satan tries to attack a family he starts with the head. If the head becomes too strong for him to destroy, he attacks the body. Through a father and of course the mother, God hatched you into this world and in you is your father’s DNA that connect you with a wider family. In the same vein, when you have given your life to Christ and become saved, the life of the Father comes into you through Jesus Christ in the power of the Holy Spirit. The Father has given us an opportunity to live a sanctified life through faith in Jesus Christ. The life a child lives is given to him by the father and that cannot change. A child needs to celebrate his father as well as appreciates him.  The man married his wife to help him pursue and accomplish his vision. She shares in the burden of her husband. She should not allow her vision to conflict with the vision of the husband rather it should complement it. Where her’s conflict with the husband’s the vision of the husband is under stress and subject to fail because it shall suffer divided attention. When two captains stir the ship, there is confusion and calamity.

That brings me to the story my father once told me: A certain man, a Palm wine taper married and was blessed with a son. When the child was still a baby, the woman took the son away after she had some irreconcilable issues with the father. The woman traveled to a city and commenced a local restaurant business and become well to do. The son was lucky to be considered for educational grant to study abroad. He traveled to Germany and studied medicine, became a Gynecologist Surgeon. He was brain washed by the mother to pay the father back whatever he spent on his behalf so as to change his name to his mother’s father name. The son returned to the father in his country and asked him for how much he spent on his behalf so that he can pay him. The father who was glad to see his son asked him to give him some time to think about it. When the time came his son was still feeling strong about what he asked the father earlier. The father consulted and indeed invited members of his community. He invited his son and first blessed him; then he asked his son to give him the seed he put in his mother for him to be born. The son and those who escorted him became furious and left in anger. Four years later the young Doctor returned to his father and apologized for what he said. He told the father He has returned for good. He presented his father with gifts. Like the father of the biblical prodigal son, the father hugged him and rejoiced over his returned with members of his community.

A father may discipline his child: that usually appears painful at that point but later the child grows up to know it was for his own interest and benefits that he suffered those admonitions, pains and corrections. The writer of Hebrews says, “As you endure this discipline, remember that God is treating you as His own child…………No discipline is enjoyable while it’s happening – it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way” [Hebrews 12:7, 11]. A good father must exercise tough love and exemplary discipline for the writer of Proverbs gives the following advices: “Do not withhold correction from a child: for if you beat him with a rod, he will not die. You shall beat him with a rod and deliver his soul from hell” [Proverbs 23:13-14]. “The rod and rebuke gives wisdom but a child left to him brings shame to his mother. Correct your son and he will give you rest; yes, he will give delight to your soul” [Proverbs 29:15, 17]. “Only a fool despises his father’s instructions. But he who receives correction is prudent” [Proverbs 15:5].

Some parents are divided when it comes to what constitutes the right discipline for a child. Some mothers are emotional in conflict and oppose the discipline father’s give their children; some of them were raised by fathers who abhorred discipline and others use it as a measure of buying a child’s favor but in most cases it turn back to bite and hurt them. When the child turns out to be bad and misbehaves, they blame the government, school districts and teachers, peer groups and every other institution as well as other persons except them for their failure to train the child. Some spouse would even blame the fathers openly for trying to discipline their children. They insult and threaten to sue teachers for trying to correct and discipline their children. I do not support raising a child under carrot and stick approach. It is not in the best interest of the child. Discipline to a child should be done in love and utmost care. Most people who lacked father’s love and care while growing up regret such vital omission; some of them are determined to improve their relations with their kids. I strongly believe that if one enjoyed a good rapport with his/her father while growing up, he/she would want his/her children to enjoy better bonding with their dad. Children often see their father as having answers to everything. “Fathers are the biggest source of strength for a child. The innocent eyes of a child perceive father as the all-powerful, most knowledge, truly affectionate and the most important person in the family. For daughters, fathers are the first men they adore and fall in love with. While for sons their fathers are the strongest person they know and someone they aspire to emulate.”

A father deserves honor but also has some responsibilities: 1. A father should be with the wife during birth to welcome the child. Lord Chesterfield says, “Don’t make a baby if you can’t be a father.” 2. He should love the mother of his children. Philip Whitmore sn, said, “The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.” 3. Train his children and give them exposure in life. Jim Tressel writing on The Game of Life opined thirty years ago, parents put as their top priority their children studying hard for academic excellence, becoming a man of good conscience, and growing as a human being. These days, with the possibility of lure of big money in sports, some parents push and support their children in areas of sport so as to make out of their children potential financial windfall. 4. Learn to listen more, trust and be a good role model. 5. Seek more opportunity to give your child a sense of belonging. Clarence Budington Kelland says, “My father used to play with my brother and me in the yard. Mother would come out and say, “You’re tearing up the grass” Father would respond, “we are not raising grass, we’re raising boys.” 6. Express words of appreciation and praise more often. 7. Spend more time together with the family. Aldous Huxley says, “A man’s desire for a son is usually nothing but the wish to duplicate him in order that such a remarkable pattern may not be lost to the world.” 8. Has spiritual oversight over the family. A father is a covenant person, highly respected and through him the children share the vision of humanity. He’s the source of life and authority. 9. Leave inheritance for his children [Proverbs 13:22; 20:20]. 10. Also he gives out their children [the brides] to marriage [Exodus 22:17].