WHEN WE OWN OUR ACTIONS, WE OWN OUR FUTURE

“Taking responsibility is not about blaming yourself—it is about reclaiming the power to shape your future.”

What is responsibility? How do you define responsibility? Talkingtreebook.com defines, “Responsibility means you do the things you are supposed to do and accepting the positive or negative outcomes of your actions.” A responsibility is something you are expected to do. Being responsible means doing the things you are supposed to do. Accepting responsibility involves taking praise or the blame for something you have done. A responsibility might be a task you are expected to do. For example, your parents expect you to brush your teeth. Brushing your teeth is “a responsibility” and it is your responsibility to brush your teeth every day. Another example is that your teacher expects you to finish your homework on time and to do your best job. So, it’s your responsibility to do your homework and to do it to the best of your abilities.  A responsibility might be the way you are expected to act. For example, your parents expect that if you go to play at the park, you will play in a way that won’t seriously hurt yourself or someone else. It’s your responsibility to have fun in a safe and courteous way.” What is the consequence? A consequence is the result or outcome of our actions. Consequences can be positive (good) or negative (not good). For example, if you are supposed to do your chores by Sunday at 5:00 and you get them done, the consequence of your actions is that you get paid and your parents are happy with you. In another example, if you leave your bike behind your dad’s car and he doesn’t see it and runs over it, the consequence of your action is that your bike is ruined.

Kirk Blackard in a book, Restoring Peace describes, “Responsibility is about cause and effect and involves behavior and its consequences. Cause is the reason something happens. Effect also called consequence is the result. If a person is a cause of conflict, hurt or problem, he is responsible for it. deciding who is responsible is what consequence they are responsible for often isn’t easy; however, many situations involve a few actions and inactions that make assigning responsibility. When an incident occurs, the first instinct is to deny it if we can hide it or become indifferent. They look for someone to blame and hold responsible.  When it is obvious or evident we may reluctantly accept it but find a way to put the responsibility on another person or group, institution, or nature or even on God but never on self. We become defensive and make excuses. Sometimes according to what happens, it may be difficult to say who is responsible for what? Deciding who is responsible in a confusing situation requires a discussion of course and effect. We often think of course and effect ( or consequence) as a quite simple process, but life is not so simple and cause -effect relationship is usually messy, circular and often not at all clear.

The bible contains many stories on the responsibility of human being, The story of the fall of man in Genesis 3:1-7 speak clearly how Adam and Eve disobeyed God and His one and only commandment. In this complex case, who are we to blame? Is it the serpent whom God created to be more crafty and subtle than every other creation? Or Adam whom God created in His image and likeness or Eve that He made from Adam? It is difficult to blame because it is a complex situation. However, someone would have to bail the cat. Verse 6 stands out a very important portion. If one claim Eve didn’t know, yet she made the judgment to eat it because it was pleasant to the eye and looked delicious. Moreso, Adam was sitting with her when she obtained the forbidden fruit, ate it, and passed it to her husband. In verse 7, the consequence of eating the fruit was that both their eyes were open. Who is to be blamed? Is God to be blamed for creating the serpent to be more craft and subtle than any other creature. The serpent knew that God forbade them from eating from that tree in the middle of the garden and the consequence of doing it. He, however, manipulated them into acting wrongly. Could it be that Adam and Eve were less intelligent than the serpent? That means they fell naturally to a higher level of intelligence. Adam had intimate relationship with God, and I would believe knew God enough to be aware of God’s purpose, perhaps not the intent. Other stories in the bible that portray cause and effect are Cain and Abel, David and Bethsheba, Solomon and foreign wives, Elijah and Ball prophets, etc. It’s not surprising that our actions nearly always have many causes and many effects. Many influences cause us to do what we do and our actions cause many consequences; some we can see and others we can neither see nor comprehend and typically affect many people. Do not forget that consequences are often bigger and have far reaching effect than we think they should be.

Accepting responsibility means acknowledging our own actions (wrongs) and the effect that results from them. We cannot change who we are until we change our behavior and actions. Accepting responsibility doesn’t mean hoping for better past, it means learning from the past and righting our wrongs and actions to enjoy a better future. It’s necessary for healing one’s soul and relationship with others. In fact, it’s the first step on the process of healing. You must start by identifying what you intend to account for, confess and repent then seeking forgiveness. It’s more difficult to determine your own responsibility in a hurting and conflicting situation. For example: In most divorce cases, couples blame each other and no one wants to accept that blame for the cause of the divorce. Divorce does not just happen without warnings; some were ignored or ill-addressed, and others despise  Divorce is an evil spirit and it settles where it’s allowed, given a chance or welcomed. Its effect is long reached beyond the immediate selfish gain of divorcing couples. Again, most offenders/inmates commit crimes and try to either justify or deny and put its effect on other people until they face the court cross examinations before it dawns on them that they were at fault and responsible for their wrongs.

Blackard further illuminates, “At most times, thinking deeply about our responsibility causes healthy guilt that leads to genuine remorse and healing. Healthy guilt helps us see and acknowledge the dark part of our lives and accept the pain we are feeling. Guilt also prepares us to welcome our pain while at the same times avoiding hurtful shame over things that are not our fault or even our business. Therefore, assessing and accepting responsibility help us define who we really are, identifying what we need to change and overcome those influences that are holding us where we are. Being responsible help us develop a vision of where we need to be and that motivation to move in that direction.”. Unhealthy sense of responsibility: Our instinct is to deny whatever action and responsibility. If we dare accept the action, we attempt to blame it on someone else or circumstances but not on ourselves; rationalized away our behavior and its effect. We could feel responsible for something we didn’t do and bear unhealthy shame that has nothing to do with our behavior or its effect. However, such false responsibility demonstrates our rejection of our self-worth as human being. This could cause unhealthy guilt which emanates from our feeling responsible for what we didn’t do. Healthy sense of responsibility: “Accepting responsibility could make others criticize, blame or pass the bulk and cause a feeling of guilt. If you hurt someone caused problems or violated the law you no doubt know who did what, to whom, what you have dome wrong or how you have hurt others.”:

Being defensive or making excuses is an easy way to go when there is a problem. There is comfort that comes with it. Whether you choose to blame your dead parents for poor parenting, a boss in the office that may not like you or an institution or government agencies or the Church or the universe, there is something somehow smoothing about making excuses. It frees you from acting. It gives you a reason to remain passive, inactive, or stuck away and do nothing. Don’t ever forget that every excuse you make comes with a cost. Even when you decide to put the blame and responsibility on someone else, you debar yourself of the power of being responsible and taking appropriate action.  Everything is never going to be your fault, but you’re not exonerated from responsibility.-Your control: your thoughts, your feelings and your actions. What you can’t control is others. The big question is: if you don’t fix it, who will? “Taking responsibility is the opposite of avoiding responsibility.

A story comes that a pastor’s wife committed an adultery. Everyone was blaming her for not being a faithful wife and a good role model. The husband went out and sat under the tree in their frontage. He began to think, in what ways did he contribute to the wife’s misdeed? It could be he was more engaged with the ministry’s work and paid less attention to intimacy and the wife’s needs. After all, the wife wasn’t like that when they first met and got married. He reflected how they were not spending enough time with each other. He said the wife should not take all the blame; he shares in the blame and had some responsibility that was neglected. He thanked everyone that felt concern and came to sympathize with him and begged them for a time to enable them to fix whatever went wrong.

This brings me to the biblical story in Genesis 16 of Abraham and Sarah. In verse 1, Sarah gave her Egyptian maid , Hagar to her husband Abraham to sleep with her because she could not bear him a child. When the maid knew she was pregnant, she began to despise her mistress. Sarah in verse 5 said to Abraham, “You are responsible for the wrong I am suffering. I put my slave maid in your arms and now that she knows she’s pregnant she despises me. May the Lord judge between you and me” Sarah put full blame and responsibility on her husband, Abraham and went as far as to bring God in as a judge. Most of our women should be familiar with this incident. When there is a problem, they find it easy to blame their husband and accept no responsibility. Sarah took the easy way out, blaming her husband, Abraham. It was a way that brought comfort to her mind and devolved her of any responsibility. Come to think of it, what was Abraham’s undoing? Did he ask Hagar to despise her mistress? Wasn’t Sarah that gave Hagar to Abraham? Should I raise the volume? Could  it be that because the husband is the head and should be responsible for every undoing in the family? Or because he slept with Hagar and got her pregnant? Perhaps there were some emotional tendencies. Where did Abraham go wrong? Most married couples could relate to this situation. Abraham’s response to Sarah’s accusation did nothing to help the matter. The antidote of defensiveness is accepting responsibility.

Accepting responsibility: (by Frances Vidakovic) -consider the following undermentioned tips.

1. Beware of how you’ve contributed in your own challenges;
2. Build your self-esteem
3. Remember that not everything is within your power to change
4. Take responsibility for the little things;
5. Be the best version of yourself.
6. Avoid blaming self
7. Expect to be uncomfortable