THE ROLE OF A CHRISTIAN WIFE TO HER HUSBAND

In today’s world and culture, Church folks seem to be confused on the role of both men and women in marriage. While men seem to quarrel with the phrase, “love your wife” as you love yourself, to the dying point just as Christ to the Church, women abhor the phrase, “submissive to your husband” in all things. They view the word submission as discriminating and treating them as inferior to their male counterparts. On the part of men, I remember once I was invited to a Church during Men’s service Day and the preacher was speaking on the power of love in a relationship.  He was expounding on why God asked men to love their wives as Christ loved the Church. Some men around the back seat were grumbling that the issue of love is always about men loving women – in favor of the women. They were not comfortable with God’s love mandate to men, especially as relating to God’s standard in 1 Corinthians 13 and Ephesians 5:25  by agapao your wife.   One of them murmured aloud, it is impossible to love and die for a woman; no way!!

In another instance, a couple of years ago, a pastor in Houston invited me to lead in a Sunday morning bible study on a Mom’s day service. I prepared a study on Elizabeth, a woman of perseverance and victory. When I mentioned the issue of submission, some of the women were so grossed and said I was living in biblical time when women lived in man’s world. Surprisingly, when the pastor who was in the vestry came out, he lined with the women, who I later found out were the high money givers in the Church. The Pastor said we were in modern world and in the world men and women were equal and the issue of submission no longer holds waters. It was not surprising in another conference a woman asked, “If she is the bread winner of the household or making highest income, would the man submit to her? Yet in another group seminar, a woman got cold and angry because the presenter said that a woman is a helpmate. Some women in advanced world distaste the idea of being a helpmate or helper.  They prefer to be called partners, as they are in business together and are equal partners.

In this era of feminism and women’s liberation, the confusion on the key words/commands of marriage doctrine and ideals – love and submission together with the misconception of the true meaning of love have in no little way made complex the problems marriage institution faces today. These explain why there so many broken promises and homes, loneliness and of course separations and divorces among Church wedded couples. We seem to have departed from God’s original design, pattern and instructions for marriage and the consequences are openly begging for urgent attention

In view of the above, I am inclined to submit as follows:

1. Whatever the opinions of human beings in the world are concerning the concepts and roles of men and women in marriage, none supersedes the laws of God, the designer and creator of mankind and marriage institution.
2. Many Church folks do not understand God’s principles concerning marriage. They may be married in the Church but rationalize the concepts and principles of God and believe the world’s opinions and view of love and marriage. One said to me, “We live in a free world and are free to do whatever we want. Come out of your primitive mentality.”
3. For the success of Christian marriage, singles and would-be-couples must be taught based on God’s principles and concepts. When they are properly taught and imbibe in them, the Church would have fewer problems on the long run. These concepts have been tested and found enduring and leading to blissful marriage relationship.
4. It is every wife’s duty to respect and reverence her husband both in his personality and his office (position) as the head. This necessarily has an underline of love since you cannot respect someone unless you love him; you have to love, to wish to please, respect and avoid offending him.
5. The pastor’s job is simply not to bake amateur couples with little or no idea what are the ideals of Christian marriage just to add up to the number of marriages conducted in a period of time. Some of these weddings are conducted in a drive-through manner. Some do not care what become of the couples after the wedding. Some go as far as encouraging the women to divorce their men especially if they are among the high money givers in the Church.

Concepts of Marriage:

1. God created mankind, man and woman the same time in the same day (Gen 1:27); the woman was in the man. Man from the dust of the earth (Genesis 2:7) and woman from the man’s rib (Genesis 2:20-23; 1 Corinthians 11:8).
2. And God said it was not good for a man to be alone (loneliness is bad). God decided to make a helper suitable for him (Gen 2:18). God brought them together saying, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother and cleave (glue, joint) unto his wife and they shall become one flesh (Gen 2:24). Marriage is God’s way of restoring the original union.
3. A woman was made by God for man and her main purpose on earth is to be in one flesh relationship with her husband.
4. When mankind fell, God commanded the woman, “Thy desire shall be subject to thy husband and he shall rule over you” (Genesis 3:16b). For purposes of responsibility and accountability, God gave man leadership of the home/family and ordered a woman to submit to him as her head and helpmate his needs. This came after God listened to man and his wife trying to excuse themselves away from the fall and disobedience of God’s only command, God appointed the man as the head for administrative purposes and to ensure order in the home.
5. However male and female were created at the same time and are joint heirs; both are one and equal parts of the same person howbeit with different functions.
6. Submission is a necessary ingredient for a compatible marriage relationship. The word of God calls for mutual submission first to God and thereafter to one another (Eph 5:21). Submission is an attitude of the heart and sincere submission manifest in the body. Wives are instructed to submit to their husband but many submit superficial and recent in spirit. When situation occurs to test the act of submission, it will turn out to rebellion resulting to emotional torture, sexual frigidity and living lonely together as well as tension and separation.

Most women today seek to usurp the authority, dominate and rule the home; they become tricky, controlling and self-centered; bossy and demeaning to their men. The result is that homes are falling apart; experiencing incessant disagreements and quarrels, separations and divorce. This type of spirit in a woman is a “Jezebel spirit”- it tries to domineer and manipulates the lives of everyone including the children against their father. She never finds anything good about the man’s ideas or opinions, especially where the woman brings home more income than the man. Some want the husband to become the wife while the wife boss and direct him on what to do. I have heard a woman say, we are in a free world; I put my mouth where my money is. If he wants to be the man, make more money and pay all the bills of the family. She even quoted that the bible says “money is everything.” She makes her children know she is the one providing their needs, so they must do what she says. Even to the point when their father instructs his children, the bossy mom frowns and counter his instructions openly. She becomes a control freak and aggressive wife, uses tyrannical means to rule their home (Proverbs 14:1). Unfortunately, this woman is seen as a very “godly woman” outside the home and even in the Church where she wear the face of an ordained deacon or elder and among high tithe payers. Little is known or concern about her life at home. The truth remains, no amount of success outside can compensate for the loss at home. So be supportive, encouraging and compliment him as much as you can, instead of running him down. Be the good thing he found and let God’s favor flow to him through you.

The Wife’s role:

1. A wife is to be a helpmate suitable for him: A wife is her husband’s ‘parakletos.’ A parakletos is simply one who walks alongside us, helping us in times of need; co-responding to us, to accomplish the divine goal that God has given us. A dutiful wife who wants to see her husband succeeds in his God’s given goals, must be by his side as a helper. It has been said that the ministry of a wife to her husband is like that of the Holy Spirit in his capacity as our parakletos – helper. The Hebrew meaning of the word helper in the bible refers only to God helping us. It is also similar to the Greek word ‘ezer’ meaning a help or a succors. God brought Eve to Adam to help him and succor him. The fact that this same word (Parakletos, ezer or helper) applies to a wife means, she has a tremendous power for the good of her husband.

Realizing that man is not complete in himself; he needs a woman who will be indispensable part of his divine plan and success. He desperately needs someone who is always there to come alongside him, who is different but a soft sport to help complete him fulfill his divine goal.

A wife therefore has been gifted with the ability to help the husband in the following ways:

1. She has the power to comfort her husband wherever he needs it. She fills in the blank sport, where need be.
2. She can supply a godly counsel, when he needs it.
3. She’s a source of succor, aid and assists him (financially, morally, emotionally and sexually, etc).
4. She intercedes for her husband and place his needs, weakness and what you want change before the throne of grace. She becomes a good thing and favor flows from her before God.
5. She always comes alongside; have his back, support and defend him before God and men.
6. She is his source of strength and encouragement and breakthrough.
7. She is always there and cannot fail him, always rely or one to fall back.
8. She is his protector (Jeremiah 31:22; corner pillars – Psalms 144:2; and glory – 1 Corinthians 11:7)

B. A wife is to respect her husband: Apostle Paul instructs wives to respect their husbands (Ephesians 5:33). Respect includes – reverence, notice, regard, honor, prefer, venerates and esteem him (1 Peter 3:2 amp). By virtue of the fact that the man is the woman’s husband, it means that the man has already earned the wife’s respect. Consequently, respecting her husband is not obligatory but a duty she owes her husband. Failure to understand and fulfill this duty is a debt that is owed the husband. Again, failure to honor this debt underlines most unhappiness, retaliation, engenders ugliness and broken homes. You cannot respect someone you do not love. It does not matter whether he is not right or his views or opinions are in error or insisting on his selfishness or ego, you decide to show respect as unto the Lord and keep your cool. It means you have to value his opinion, admire his wisdom and character, appreciates his commitment to you and children and consider his needs and values. When you respect someone, you listen to him, be his companion, boost his confidence and always desire him. Barbara Rainey said, “Every husband wants a wife to be on his team, to coach him when necessary, but most of all to be his cheer leader. A husband needs a wife who is behind him, believing in him, appreciating him and cheering him on as he goes out into the world everyday” (What should be the wife’s role in marriage?). Avoid lukewarmness and coldness at all cost; complacency and taking his love for granted. Keep your love hot!!!

C.  A wife is to love her husband (Titus 2:4). Loving your husband begins with “unconditional acceptance.” First, understand, he is an imperfect man just like everyone is. He may not do all things right all the time and funny enough you may not be able to change him by unfair criticism. One way you can help to support and uplift him is to present him to God in prayers daily. Understand that nagging may worsen the situation and cause him to withdraw into his shell. Be committed to his needs: emotional, moral, financial, spiritual and sexual. “When a wife resists intimacy, is uninterested or is only passively interested, her husband may feel rejection. It will cut at his self-image, tear at him to the very center of his being and create isolation.” Barbara Rainey confessed, “My husband sexual needs should be more important and higher on my priority list than menus, housework, projects, activities and even the children…… It does mean that I find ways to remember my husband and his needs. It means I save some of my energy for him.” Great Lesson!!

D.  A wife is to submit to the headship of her husband (Ephesians 5:22-30; Colossians 3:18-19). The word “submission” is offensive to many women who for the mere mention of it become angry, grieve and hostile. Submission is a good word but some people have simply defined it wrongly. It’s because of the misconstruction over the concept of submission that it means rejection or inferior to men as well as being used or abused, especially in advanced world. Most women even when they claim to submit are inwardly resenting or rebellious. Another misconception is that submission means blind obedience on the part of the women. She makes no contribution or imputes and just answers yes sir in all situations.

On the other hand, voluntary submission is obedience to God’s instruction. By so doing, you help complete your husband in fulfilling his God’s calling and duties, without hassles or coercion. You help him become the man, the husband and the leader as well as head that God intend him to be. This action of submission works well where the man loves his wife as commanded by God but does not depend on it. It takes the amazing grace of God to become a submissive wife to an imperfect man, who is abusive, or in incessant disagreement or in an unhealthy marriage condition. Submission excludes staying under continuous abusive or life threatening condition. You need to take steps to rescue and protect yourself and children.  “Loving, forgiving and submitting do not mean that you become a doormat or indefinitely tolerate significantly destructive behavior” – Barbara Rainey opined.

“Submission” is an instruction to fulfill God’s purpose and has nothing to do with equality between a man and a woman. Jesus submitted to the will of the Father in order to accomplish salvation. Even though Jesus was God, He did not consider himself equal to the Father. It is necessary for Jesus to do that in order to accomplish the plan of Godhead in salvation and redemption of mankind from the shackles of sins and Satan. It does not mean you have to agree with everything he says. It means you are allowed to speak your mind to him always within respectful boundaries and the final decision belongs to him; recognize his God appointed position as the head, respect and submit to him in honor and in obedience to God. He has the responsibility to give stewardship of his headship before God. When scripture says in Ephesians 5: 22 and 33 – wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands as unto the Lord, it means be willing to come under the authority of your husband, as a head. It’s the duty of the head to give direction to the body. The duty of the wife is to willingly place all her strengths under the authority of the husband to follow him as he follows Christ.

E.  A wife is to care for her husband: It’s very true that a man role is to love and provide for his wife and household or physically unable. However that does not makes her the head; whatever money both couple makes belongs to the family. Since he who finds a wife finds a good thing and favor from the Lord; also a good woman builds her home…… and helpmate man’s needs. This includes: providing a comfortable living environment; providing a good and healthy meal for him. Keep the home tidy and his laundry clean. The children should be neat and well dressed. The wife should provide close physical relationship: E.g. a hug and kiss in the morning, when leaving and returning to the house. She should make special time just for him to get needed rest and so as to enjoy each other (Pro 5:18-19). Create ways to enjoy time together. Teach the children when Dad returns from work he needs time alone with mom before meeting with the children and quiet time to rest undisturbed.

A wife should understand God’s original design was for her to be his closet companion and he’s an earthly representative of Christ. The wife was created from him for him; to bare children for him, live happily and covers his nakedness. Even though today’s world views on marriage have distorted the biblical truth that a woman was created for man; it’s left for a Christian wife to decide to return and uphold the fundamentals of God’s perfect design for marriage.

Richard Steele paraphrasing Ephesians 5:33 into universal obligation of marriage relationship wrote, “Let each one of you, no matter how good you are or how bad your spouse…… All husbands are entitled to their wives respect, whether they are wise or foolish, intelligent or slow, skillful or clumsy. All wives are entitled to their husband’s love, whether beautiful or ugly, rich or poor, sub-missive or rebellious. Three things a wife should not deny her husband are: Food, Sex and Peace at home.

MOTHER’S DAY CELEBRATION GREETINGS

“Motherhood is a choice you make everyday, to put someone else’s happiness and well-being ahead of your own, to teach the hard lessons, to do the right thing even when you’re not sure what the right thing is…and to forgive yourself, over and over again, for doing everything wrong.” – Donna Ball

As we celebrate 2019 Mother’s day, Weefree Ministries Worldwide wishes to congratulate all mothers, mother-like figures and moms-to-be for the immense job they do in our families and in raising nations of the world. Mom’s day is the second most celebrated Annual single event next to Thanksgiving in North America. It’s a time most people visit their mom’s with gifts, to say “thank you mom” for all you are and do to me. The place and significance of mom in the lives of their children cannot be underestimated. In reality, Mom’s Day is every day.  The more reason we need to appreciate, to cherish, and to care for them. “Motherhood is… difficult and… rewarding.”.- Gloria Estefan

Mother’s day grant us the opportunity to celebrate and honor mothers for all the hard jobs, countless sacrifices and risks, and immense responsibilities they undertake in bringing forth and raising a child. As we honor, celebrate, and appreciate mom’s it bestows love upon the mother and make them feel loved and special, of course they are. It also make the mother to realize that all her sacrifices were worth it and can more so strengthen the bond of love and family ties. “Of all the rights of women, the greatest is to be a mother.”– Lin Yu-tang – poet and scholar.

May God in His infinite mercy refreshes our moms and bless then with long life and good health to see more of such celebrations. More so they shall live to be fulfilled and reap their rewards, Amen.

– Pastor/Evangelist   Ogbonnaya,  Godswill