The place of traditional marriage in African culture
The gospel of John in its second chapter records a marriage ceremony in the town of Cana in Galilee. The scenario presented in this passage depicts a traditional marriage ceremony. Some clergies use the text of this passage in exhortation during wedding ceremonies to an extent that many people mistaken the ceremony to a wedding instead of traditional marriage. Some people are only excited with Jesus’ first public miracle- the turning of water into wine and may not see the main miracle in the passage. It was the marriage ceremony that attracted people to the place. Yet they failed to comprehend the spectacular miracle that held two people together to become one. The Daily Bread devotional booklet of October 6, 2005 said, “Marriage not wedding was the real miracle. Anyone can have a wedding but only God can create a marriage. The union of marriage is so strong that two become one flesh. God wants marriage to be the way it was when He first created Eve from Adam.” Some neither concern whether it was a wedding or traditional marriage nor can distinguish between the two. It’s important to put records right especially as most African rich traditions are branded demonic. It could not be a wedding because wedding was not a Jewish Custom and tradition. The Jewish practice is akin to African traditional marriage rites. In this setting the families and relations of both couples gather in the brides’ family compound to celebrate their daughter and son entering into a marriage covenant and institution.
Before this ceremony, the couple get acquainted with each other and agreed to marry. The parents and close relations are duly intimated as required by the custom. Enquires are instituted by both families concerning the behavior, character and most times religion of the families as well as marital status. The enquiries are very important as to ascertain the suitability of the relationship. Some go further to find out whether the intended couples’ parents are married and still living together; not ruling our class distinction. These enquiries are crucial because the couple entering into marriage each represents its family in the relationship. The ceremony opportune members of both families to know and familiarized themselves.
Traditional marriage is a community affair. In this forum the man publicly ask for the woman hand in marriage. If the woman accepts the proposal, the groom’s family presents bride price and associated items to the bride’s parent. If accepted, vows are made and covenant entered. Each covenant has a senior partner and God appointed the man. God created a woman for a man and brought her to him to name. God then enacted a rule, “for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife and they become one.” This rule was for the man whom God through this event satisfied his loneliness. African traditional marriage requires parent’s consent and blessings. Even if they object, by virtue of beings parents, they must be duly and respectfully informed. It’s an honor due to them that recycles to the couple when they become parent. They shall witness, bless and rejoice for God’s fulfillment, support and encourage them as they pass through new experiences of starting life together.
During this event, relations and the community witness the dowry and bride items given to the woman’s parent. The dowry and bride items include token money and various gifts. These items show evidence of ownership and when accepted by bride’s father or his representative evidence transfer authority of ownership of the bride from the father to the husband. Its customary gifts [and not a price for buying a bride] in appreciation of the gift of a bride. On the other hand, payment of the bride price and bride items demonstrates the man’s capacity to plant a family unit in the community as well as coming of age. As they witnessed their daughter and son make vows of marriage and enters into this God’s designed institution, they joyfully solicit Gods blessings on the new couple, wishing them growth and fruitfulness.
The setting of the ceremony in Cana is similar to African traditional marriage rites. No gain saying a relation of Mary – Jesus’ mother was the host and Mary, Jesus and his disciples were duly invited. Little wonder Mary felt so concerned when the marriage ran out of wine. Again neither the Jewish synagogues nor their temples had a place for wedding. Some English bibles record this ceremony as wedding because wedding is purely European concept and tradition. They have no reason to impose it on people who had already had their marriage rites. The wedding tradition came along with colonization and the inception of Christianity in Africa. It’s no surprised therefore that wedding is usually conducted after the couple had performed their traditional rites. As a matter of fact, before any Church wedding commences in African or of African descent the clergy would ascertain that traditional rites had been fulfilled. If one may ask, would a European [or an American] subject himself to African traditional marriage rites after he has wedded? Your guess is as good as mine. But in the name of ‘Churchanity’ [not Christianity], most Africans appear to regard European wedding superior to our rich African traditional rites. This is neither biblical nor African custom but an aftermath of religion, colonization and perhaps misapplication of the scripture.
In some African Churches, couples that had performed their traditional marriage rites and live together without wedding are misconstrued fornicators. This appears a misconception. All they need is marriage blessings. Our African Christians after performing marriage rites that the Europeans do not do are subjected to wedding that involves spending of fortune. Most Africans underwent three marriage rites before they could have their wives. After the traditional marriage ceremony, they went for Court Registry ceremony and ended up in Church wedding. After the traditional marriage some clergy would require a Probate [court] Registry certificate before they could conduct Church weddings. These three ceremonies involve fortune and time. Some Church parents of the brides stipulate the three, as if that guaranteed the success of the relationship.
What is new is the reaffirmation of marriage vows during marriage anniversaries. Even when they fought their ways through years of conflicts, thank God they have something to celebrate. Most couples these days appear in wedding gowns and suits rather than put on our rich traditional costumes. The good news is there’s always the benefit for RSVP – Rice and Stew Very plenty and social interaction. Even though liberated in Christ, the battered syndrome of colonization is still within us. The problem is our refusal to be who God created us to be and not proud of whom we are. We should be reminded that we have it as our responsibility not only to uphold our tradition but also pass it to future generation. Our parents have done their turn; we must pass the baton. Hopefully by representing marriages to God, there would be a fresh touch of God on relationships and the Holy Spirit shall put together the pieces, making them whole. It takes faith that requires belief in miracle to pledge ones’ life to another. Blessed be the God of all creation for being in the business of creating marriages as well as rebuilding and amending them.
This author is in no way against wedding for it’s a Church practice. I paid my toll more than twenty years ago. I pray African Christians to re-examine most European concept we give prime place while undermining our rich traditional culture. Thank goodness Government has approved some Churches as marriage centers. Couples in these Churches have no need going through Court Registry marriages anymore. Africans should evolve reforms that promote our culture and reduce stress and cost that appears to debar most young people from entering into the institution. There’s no substitute for traditional marriage for on its foundation other traditions rest.
Email: gkapin53@yahoo.com can reach