THE HELPMATE SPIRIT
As I move around my evangelical duties, I’m often confronted by young men and women who look forward to being initiated into marriage institution. Most desire marriage but some are scared of the galloping problems that the institution suffers in this age and time. Some observed marriage conflict and tussles from their relations and think it’s not worth the troubles. Others who have witnessed cordial relationship among their elderly relatives cannot wait to join the group. Those who are married become the mirrors that the young see and look upon to learn and emulate the joy and goodness of the institution. Just as it is with Christianity, believers are the gospel and letters that the world read and learn the tenet of our faith and calling. My advice is and shall always be that marriage is designed and created by God and it’s perfect. It’s a wonderful relationship to be married.
The institution is a product of God and it’s based on His agape love. One very salient fact about marriage is that it may not be for every body. It’s for those who desire it with the aspiration of abiding by the principles that the designer laid down for successful accomplishment. Some people are fascinated about the institution but do not want to go by the rules and boundaries set forth. They behave like those who want to drive on our roads but ignore road signs and traffic lights; those who buy products from the store but do not care to read and follow the user instructions, safety precautions and warnings. Yet marriage has universal obligations and commitments that those who enter into it must abide in and keep its way. These principles and rules are found in the manufacturer’s manual [The Bible].
Since marriage is not for everybody, it becomes necessary to know what to look forward to in this union. I shall attempt in this piece to answer the question most young men ask: what do we look for in a woman and how do we know whether she will be a good wife? What behavior and attitude should we look for? The scripture says He who finds a wife [not a woman] finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord[Proverbs 18:22]. But a prudent wife comes from the Lord [Proverbs 19:14b]. When God said, it’s not good for a man to stay alone; I will make him a helpmate for him, He meant there was a vacuum and needed a companion [not a partner] and helper [not a co-head or competitor]. He does not look for another man [as in gay]. This question is a difficult nut to crack. I romanced my thought and concluded that only God can answer this question rightly. I also know that God had already revealed His ways and thoughts in the scriptures: the written word of God. I therefore prayerfully search for direct and implied answers. As I peruse the book of the beginning [Genesis], I found that God is the Creator of the universe and all that dwells in it [Genesis1:1; Psalms 24; 1ff]. He created man in His image and likeness; created them male and female [Gen 1:27]. God observed that every other creation except man was created in twos. And God said it was not good for man to be alone. The Trine God decided to create a woman as a helpmate and a wife. So a wife is to be a man’s [husband] completion and not a competitor. The story went ahead to say that God caused Adam into a deep sleep; He made supernatural surgery on him and let out a bone from his side [not his head or feet] and made it into a woman whom Adam named Eve, the mother of all earth.
One significant fact drawn from God’s wisdom in creating a life companion [helpmate] for Adam is that both Adam and Eve were in one body before marriage and became one unit, a couple after marriage. The qualities God considered in creating a helpmate was not clearly listed in the book of creation; however it is best known to God and still a mystery. Not withstanding, we could deduce from the passages of the book that: She was to be:
a companion [ Genesis 1:27],
a helpmate [Genesis 2:18, 23] and
Eve, a mother of all living [Genesis 3:20]
A Companion was to be a completion [not a competitor or smothered woman]. A Helpmeet/Helper [Heb’ezer]; another you specially designed and made to meet your needs. The scriptures call God, our Helper; God is the Helper of His people, Israel. [Psalms 118:7; Hebrews 13:6]; Jesus was indeed the helper of the disciples [Mark 1:31] and He prayed the Father to send another Divine Helper as He departed and returned to the Father [John14:16]. The Holy Spirit will be by the disciples to help, comfort and counsel as well as strengthened them [Matthews 14:18, 26, 30-31]. He also intercedes in prayers for them [Romans 8; 26]. It is in this sense that a wife is to be a helper of a husband. It neither belittles, diminishes nor makes the woman inferior to man. “……for the Lord hath created a new thing in the earth. A woman shall compass [surround and protect] a man” [Jeremiah 31:22]. Eve, [Heb chavah], the mother of all chai, living. She became the mother of all physically alive. By faith in God’s promise of [Genesis 3:15]; she became the mother of spiritually alive. A helpmate serves respectfully; without respect you can neither love nor serve.
When Abraham and Sarah gave birth to Isaac, they knew an heir to the throne was born; he became a child of promise. Abraham had the responsibility and duty to scout out for a bride for the heir apparent. It was a great task especially for Abraham’s head servant [Eliezer], whom he sent on that errand. What would be the qualities to look for when choosing such a woman who will have to wear into the shoes of Sarah? In our era and times, where some beautiful looking women turn out to become ‘knives’ instead of ‘wives’; they become Jezebel [Ahab’s wife] and Delilah [Samson’s wife]. Abraham’s servant was wise enough to ask God for His enableness and enquire for the sign to confirm His choice. Since God was invited into the scouting process, He led the way and made all things work out well. God responded: …the damsel who would voluntarily offer him and his camels a drink of water would be a good choice. It means Eliezer shall be looking for a young female who was willing to be compassionate and go extra mile; posses a servant’s attitude and helpmate spirit.
In our selfish world, where many people live “a me-first” lifestyle, that was a difficult assignment to carry out. The errand was not looking for a facial or body attraction or academic qualification or a rich parental background. He was not looking a nurse, medical doctor, a Pharmacy or laboratory technologist but for a wife. He was not looking for a macho or tough built robust female who would be strong enough to dig for the gold nonstop but someone with inward strength, humble spirit and compassionate heart who could win by stooping low. Many women who are stars at Fun world and other fun/work places can be successful in careers but they can not be a wife; those who have tried to become one have failed several times. It will be political incorrect to mention submission because that word has been deleted or expunged from relationship manual for advanced world. It was incited when we lived in a world of male dominance. In today world, women have equal rights and opportunity with their male counterpart and in most cases they are preferred in work places and are better of at home without men. Indeed most women, some liberals and feminists have surpassed men in academics, in sports, in politics and in profession as well as in housing a boy friend or gay partners but not as a wife. When they happen to marry, they end up kicking men away and raising children as single mothers. This is a development that has become a commonplace in our age and time.
Rebakah must have been drawing water from that well year after year and must have shown great kindness to some home people and passerby’s; perhaps with only thank you or God bless you, as consolations. Those who take ‘God bless you’ as a mere greeting and for granted should learn from this. The scriptures warn us not to be tired of doing good; at God’s own time and in His mercies, you will be rewarded. It may not be the person you showed kindness to, but some strange person shall reward you. You could liken it to the story of the Good Samaritan. It was this passerby stranger who saw a dying soul [not a wasted person] and had compassion on him. When your kindness reaches the throne of mercies, God shall send an uncommon favor your way. It may be different or delayed but trust God your kindness shall be rewarded. Rebakah kept doing good until, this bright day, she went out to do what she knew best to do. As she saw Eliezer with camels, she ran to the well and fetch water for him and the camels [Genesis 24:20]. This one act of generosity and great kindness coupled with her humility in serving earned her a ticket to inherit Abraham’s blessings and riches.
When young people scout out for brides some do not know exactly what they want; while others have no clue which direction they should go and what to look for. Some depend on the winds of fashion, physical attraction and of course, sexual satisfaction. This could answer to why one young female is preferred or chosen among her mates. You may have a lady with good credentials and wonderful disposition but she’s not marriageable. She can boast of dating great stars but none is ready to offer her a ticket to become a wife. It’s one thing to be lucky to hook a spouse but another to uphold and maintain the relationship. You may package yourself just like a resume to get a man / a woman or a job but to excel, you must know the import of that job and meet the goals and aspirations of the organization that engaged you. You may know the job but when you have an attitude or behavioral problems it could result to disharmony in the work place and you could be fired or force to quit. When you engage a wrong staff, no matter how much training you expose the person, there is always a problem. So also is with a spouse.
Leaders look for can do spirit, humble people who serve willingly and ready to go extra mile. They also have bigger picture of the goals yet do not miss details. A man want for wife, a woman with inward strength, who will willingly support her man and ready to go extra mile to see that they succeed. One who sees a bigger picture of what marriage is about and willing to persevere to make it work. Her attitude is not pretence but true and straight. Her love is transparent and noticeable everywhere she is; however it must start from inside out, exhibited in a most friendly manner. In that day, one act of kindness changed Rebakah’s whole life for good. The God of heaven decided to remember her. She was at the right place, at the right time and did the right thing. You may not realize it, but your attitude and behavior determines your future. In this congested market, people device ways to eliminate the fake or never do well and the pretenders; pick the gem and lads.
Prophet John Chinedu teaching during a 21 day fasting and prayer meeting at Hour of Liberation Ministries, in Houston once said, “If your wife is not your Mary Magdalene, you will surely have problems.” Jesus delivered Mary Magdalene of seven demons and since after then she glued to Him before, during and after His death. Prophet Chinedu also added, “If your husband is not your Moses – the most compassionate leader in Israel and in the scriptures, then you will have headaches. Wives need husbands who are ready and willing to die for them, just like Christ died for the Church but there is a price to pay……
Rebakah was God’s favor; she was a wonderful woman and great wife; respectful to her husband and raised her children in the fear of God. However as a human being she was not perfect. She favored one child over the other and this caused untold disagreement and conflict between the two brothers. Those who work hard will prosper [Proverbs 13:4]. This brought to mind the washing of feet that Jesus bathed His disciples [John13:5ff]. Jesus humbled Himself, took the position of a servant and served His followers dutifully. Washing of feet was a mean job for people of low cedar. In some cultures, slaves performed this function. But Christ did it to demonstrate the quality of leadership His disciples must possess. Jesus was the only leader who served and died for His subjects. In our world, the slaves and commoners serve the king; go to war to defend and die for the king and His kingdom. But Jesus went to the cross to pay the price of our sin that mankind could not pay. He became the Lamb of God that took away the sins of the world. Brethren, a serving and helpful spirit is what we need in our lives, in marriages, in our professions and communities as well as our nations. Leaders look out for those who have a serving spirit and are willing to go extra mile. A helpmate spirit is the wife’s spirit and the selfish spirit is the knife’s spirit.
In ‘The world for you today’ Pastors Kerry and Faith Wood writing on ‘Make effort to show kindness’ narrated this story: “Before William McKinley became President of the United States, he was riding to his congressional office one morning on a tram. A sick woman got on and unable to find a seat, clutched all overhead strap next to one of McKinley’s political collogues. Pathetically this collogue hid behind his newspaper to avoid offering her his seat. Immediately McKinley rose, gave her his seat and took her place in the aisle. Years later when he was President, this collogue was recommended for the position of ambassador but McKinley turn it down. He said, ‘If his kindness is of the quality he showed that morning on the tram, I fear what he might do representing us in a foreign land’ The disappointed congressman never did learn why McKinley preferred someone else for the job.” Couples should serve each other selflessly and diligently. It will be out of place for ‘a me-first person’ to go into marriage; it is a sharing institution where two people are determined and committed to serving each other and sharing life together.
Reach: Ogbonnaya, Godswill at: weefreeministries@yahoo.com OR P.O. Box 720035, Houston, Texas, 77272.