Mutual Respect
When men and women are able to respect and accept their differences then love has a chance to blossom John Gray
In November, 2008, I participated in a Rapha Ministries violence month activities. The purpose was to rob minds over the high rate of emerging and rampant ugliness and abuses that our families experienced these days in advanced world; especially domestic violences that happen behind closed doors. These have resulted into living in fears, disharmony, separation and divorce and most unfortunately murder cases. Panelists were asked a question each but different, however time constrained. In attempting to proffer solution within the limited time allotted to us, a couple of the panelist opined that adequate communication among couples is very important and could ease the problems and even eradicate them. But for time constraints, I would have chipped in another ingredient I consider as equally or even more important than communication. I agree that communication is an essential ingredient in a healthy marriage relationship; however, I consider mutual respect as seemingly more important than communication. I believe that communication without respect is an insult, cheerful deceit and abuse. Without mutual respect what you will hear and see will storm you. When respect is not embodied in our communication, it becomes indecent, disrespect and unhealthy.
Two key words in this piece are: Mutual and Respect. Literally, mutual means given and received in equal amount or having the same feelings one for the other; something common to both or joint. Respect is defined as high regards; to feel or show honor or esteem for and to show consideration for a person, an event or an institution. Mutual respect is a fundamental right of all human beings and nation, irrespective of their power of strength. Writing in www.beyondIntractabiblity.org., Sara Farid describes respect as an unassuming resounding force, the stuff that equity and justice are made of: [i] it means being treated with consideration and esteem and to be willing to treat people similarity. It means to have a regard for other peoples feeling [ii] listening to people and hearing them, i.e. giving them ones full attention. Even more importantly respect means treating one with dignity. Respect is the opposite of humiliation and concept. Farid referred to William Ury book titled, The Third Side: that says, Human beings have a host of emotional needs-for love and recognition, for belonging and identity, for purpose and meaning to lives. If all these needs had to be subsumed in one word, it might be respect. Respect comes with the belief that a person or culture can have belief contradictory to ours and we should still honor them. One does not have to like a person or agree with his viewpoint to accord him respect. Little surprised President Barrack Obama, said, we can disagree without being disagreeable.
Respect has a lot to do with how we choose to behave or act and the high regards we have for the other person[s]. We can be forced to obey someone but nobody can force us to respect anybody since it has to do with the values we cherish and uphold. Since respect must be mutual, it means it must be essentially both ways, a deliberate choice and given even in disagreement or when the other spouse has lost his/her cool. It must observed equal limits and boundaries; avoid its abuses. One interesting fact about respect is that you have to give it to yourself first before passing it to another person. It is in response to the respect you give to another that you earn the respect of another. No wonder it is often said respect is reciprocal.
When couples have no respect for themselves, they quarrel, grumble and curse each other even before their children and other people. They enjoy putting down each other and using indecent and unhealthy language towards each other. By so doing, they disrespect themselves. Lack of respect often leads to conflict at individual, family and social circles. Absent or breakdown of respect are the key reason for the breakdown of relationships and in the occurrence of conflict. Respect could be either vertical or horizontal. Children are urged to honor [hold high respect for] their parents for its a Christian duty and obligation. However, parents should respect their children and deal with them in tough love; raise them with Christian discipline and instruction [Ephesians 6:4]. Parents must teach and be exemplary of respect so that their children emulate. We must inculcate into them respect for self, one another and seniors and well as institutions of authority. Relationships built without respect are not sustainable and at best time bomb. Such relationships put up behaviors that do not earn the respect of other people who incidentally observe their disrespectful behavior.
Little wonder Apostle Peter urged husbands ..to treat [your wives] with respect [1Peter 3:7]. Also Apostle Paul commands, wife must respect her husband [Ephesians 5:33]. Unless we respect each other, couples cannot fulfill the marriage God intended for mankind. Reverend Arthur J. Schoonveld of Today [The Family Altar] said, Disrespect for spouse will hinder our prayers and drive a wedge between us. Husband and wives are encouraged to accept and serve each other selflessly; build each other up and not tear down and make each other a priority and not a spare tire. Since respect is created when people treat each other as they want to be treated, we have to be courteous, avoid insulting one another and be sensitive enough to avoid conflict by separating people from problem. By so doing we shall build trust with one another, and repair our relationships. Respect is what we owe; love, what we give Philip James Bailey.
Reach: Evangelist Ogbonnaya, Godswill at: weefreeministries@yahoo.com or P. O. Box 720035, Houston, Texas, 77272.