LIVING IN A SAFE PLACE [HOW SAFE IS YOUR HOME?]
Many people have different views about safe place. Some think of safe place as a location, while others relate it to being sensitive with private thoughts where one is comfortable to open up with his/her inner mind. It could be what the person is struggling with and shared experiences and learn new insights others bring to the table. A place or group could be where you are secured and free to converse; enjoy healthy behaviors and not afraid to accept different viewpoints or constructive observations. A safe place is where one is physically secured; protected from intimidations, provocations, backbiting, terrors and even death.
Factors that can help make a place secure are:
God’s presence: A safe place is where God is present; His presence reveals His love and mercy, satisfaction, fulfillment and security. In His presence, you are loved unconditionally. You can fall severally and still have the opportunity and privilege to rise up and continue your walk; yet you are not seen as a failure. You have the warmth embraced of acceptance and feel loved and desired, protected and secured. The Garden of Eden was a safe place for Adam and Eve. There, God planted a garden on earth, put Adam and Eve to live and tend; enjoy all its richness – uncontaminated air and atmosphere, vegetations and healthy fruits grown from the soil. The tree of eternal life was in the garden and also the tree that gave ability to differentiate good and bad things was equally there [Genesis 2:9]. They had supply of water from the rivers; where they obtained gold, onyx and sweet smelling resin. These rivers help to water the ground and make things fruitful.
One God: Adam and Eve did not only recognize the presence of God of heaven but worship and submitted to Him. They had such a closed relationship that God visited the garden often to see them. They sense His presence when He’s around and heard His voice when He spoke. There was something in them that brought them and God together: the image and the likeness of God in them. Couples should believe in one God and associate with one Church. They put their faith in God and build their union around Him. They should stop giving the enemy a place, listening to subtle opinions of enemies, less they take advantage of and devour them just as Satan did to Eve, who influenced Adam against God’s commandment [2 Corinthians 2:11].
Hard work and preservation: The Lord God put man in the Garden of Eden to work and till its soil; dress it and preserve it [Genesis 2:15]. God instructed him to work hard to beautify it and keep it; to cultivate and harvest its yields. In His infinite wisdom, God provided Adam a helpmate suitable to him; a companion and completion to warm him up and share his burden, to help fulfill His purpose. Then Garden of Eden became God’s made home for Adam and Eve; secured and saved. God Almighty visited them there often to have fellowship and interaction. Also, Satan, a malignant reality and formidable foe, visited them there. An enemy visits a safe place but should not be accommodated or tolerated. He’s an adversary, always hostile to God and God’s people; comes to steal, destroy and kill. Satan works on information you availed him or obtained somewhere.
Discipline and Limit: For a home to be safe and secured, especially where we have more than a person living therein, we must have some rules and regulations to guide human behaviors. These are also called boundaries and limits. In the garden, God was so generous and considerate that He issued only a command: “You can eat the fruits of all the trees in the garden but you shall not eat the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil; for if you eat it, you shall surely die” [Genesis 2:16-17]. God understood human nature, the curiosity in our inner beings towards unknown and restrictions. He kept in check, ‘a no-no rule’ to restrain our behaviors and actions. Where there shall be mutual respect for one another, there must be discipline and order; and willingness to observe and obey it. Nobody should be exempted, for it shall cut across all board; it was critical for preservation and good living. There was a grave consequence for disobedience; it was disharmony and spiritual death. For the same safety reason, one driving on our roads is required to have and carry a driving license or learner’s permit; follow the traffic directions and observe road signs. When ignored, we run into avoidable accidents, chaos and some resulting into death.
Togetherness and Belonging: To help a man tend and keep the garden and alleviate his loneliness, God said, it was not good for man to be alone. I will make him a helper who was just right and suitable for him [Genesis 2:18]. God then caused Adam into deep sleep and out of his rib made another human being; brought her to Adam who excitingly called her woman and later named her Eve. The name was for easy and better identification. Adam named everything including Eve and they all know who named them. Naming was also for reference and belonging. Whatever name Adam gave them, they bore [Genesis 2:19-20]. In our society, every person has a name and evidence of identity, either certificate of birth and Personal Identity or Driving License, or/ and Passport.
Oneness: Couples must become one and united because unity is strength; collective progress is a way forward in a team or group. It galvanizes the group and gives them sense of belonging and being owned as well as sharing value and common goal.. The scripture said for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife and they become one, a unit and a couple [Genesis 2:24]. Oneness takes away fears, doubts and misgivings. This is different from living lonely together. You must insist on doing things together- eat, bathe, sleep, pray and study the bible as well as outings, visits, evangelism and Church worship together. I would recommend joint account for couples for it helps to understanding family finances and discipline in spending; it also helps to cement, secure and build trust and commitment in the relationship.
Transparency: Both of them were naked and were not ashamed [Genesis 2:25]. Couples should be transparent and open to each other; have no secrets, no hidden agenda and no fears sharing anything with each other. They have open and uninterrupted channel of communications. One is the priority and mirror of the other. They share same values and maintain mutual submission; understand and keep their boundaries and limits. Maria Guthrie writing on Best friends Forever in www.Christianitytoday.com advised, “To increase familiarity and openness, couples should plan occasional unstructured outing such as dinners, games or movie nights.”
How saved and secured is your home or union? Is your home a safe place? Or is it a hostile environment, where God is denied prime place and the values we cherish undermined? Is it a place where one bosses the other and couples live in conflicts and competition? Most importantly, couples that pray together stay together; are both couples living joyfully or like co-tenants and people living in fears and bondage. Do you sleep in one house but in different bedrooms, keep hidden relationship and bank accounts for selfish transactions? Do people outside know you better than your spouse? Do you have mutual respect and submission for each other? We must learn to adopt the power of living together as couples to share life selflessly, our struggles and faith. This is how to make our living saved and secured. “When you develop an atmosphere of acceptance, marriage becomes carefree joy and solemn contemplation. Be creative in thinking and create fun ways to communicate with your spouse.” Guthrie said, we often try to show that as husband and wife we respect each other yet we may have different views or communication approach. It is important to be a team and not let our marriages get caught up in any unhealthy behavior of specific couples or the group.
It will be good if you will stop comparing our spouses with other people or talking down one another. Every person is created in a unique way to meet God’s purpose on earth. Do not forget that marriage is a union of two imperfect people who look unto God for His perfect will and purpose. Try not to always hammer on your spouse weaknesses but appreciate strengths and find ways of helping him/her improve or be of utmost value. Do not forget to show appreciation for good things and kind gestures done to you. It’s better than focusing on past wrongdoings. By so doing you will help to secure and strengthen your union; make it a success. Make your home Valentine safe.
Reach: Evangelist Ogbonnaya, Godswill at: weefreeministries@yahoo.com or P. O. Box 720035, Houston, Texas, 77272.