IS TRUE LOVE STILL POSSIBLE IN OUR DAYS?

The word love means different things to different people. Love is a lot of things. Love is a verb and love is a noun. Love is in constant motion. It is powerful, and it is empowering. Love is a word that is thrown around a lot. It’s a beautiful feeling and essentially, love makes the world go round. It takes time to develop a true and sustainable love but it’s worth it when you have it in your life. We’ve all experienced the gut wrenching, plot flipping, sweaty palm emotion that we’ve come to know as love. But love is much deeper than these panicky reactions. In fact, once you have a chance to get comfortable and let those feelings pass, you’ll know if it was truly love; or something else. The concept of love is very easily mistaken for its similar counterparts; lust and infatuation

Dr. Lisa Firestone, co-author of Sex and Love in Intimate Relationships, often says that the best way to think of love is as a verb. Love is dynamic and requires action to thrive. As Dr. Firestone wrote, “Often, we spend our time worrying about what our partner feels toward us or how the relationship looks from the outside. Even though it feels good to be loved by someone else, each one of us can only really feel our loving feelings for another person and not that person’s feelings for us. In order to connect with and sustain those loving feelings within us, we have to take actions that are loving. Otherwise, we may be living in fantasy.” At times it may feel frustrating, but it’s actually pretty empowering to accept the fact that the only person we have any true control over in a relationship is ourselves. We are in charge of our half of the dynamic. Therefore, we can choose whether to engage in behaviors that are destructive to intimacy or whether to take actions that express feelings of love, compassion, affection, respect, and kindness. In order to consciously and consistently choose the latter, it’s valuable to look at the characteristics that in more than 30 years of studying couples, Dr. Robert and Lisa Firestone found to be vital to maintaining truly loving.

True love is a strong and lasting affection between spouses or lovers who are in a happy, passionate and fulfilling relationship. The form of romantic affection that is considered pure and wholly positive, not just based on feelings of lust. Love is complex. A mix of emotions, behaviors, and beliefs associated with strong feelings of affection, protectiveness, warmth, and respect for another Love can also be used to apply to non-human animals, to principles, and to religious beliefs. For example, a person might say he or she loves his or her dog, loves freedom, or loves God. While most people agree that love implies strong feelings of affection, there are many disagreements about its precise meaning, and one person’s “I love you” might mean something quite different than another’s.

What love  is  not:  What Is Love? By Sylvia Smith As we discuss the elements of love and what is love, it is also important to know what love is not. We can often confuse some other emotions or feelings for love, but sooner or later, we realize that what we feel for a certain person is not love. Love is not lust. Despite the phrase “it was love at first sight,” love is not something we feel right away. That strong feeling of attraction, like a magnet pulling you towards that person you’ve just met? That’s infatuation and sexual chemistry. Mother nature gives us a big dose of infatuation to get us together initially.  Love does include sexual chemistry, but it differs because it is an emotion that takes time to build. Lust can appear in an instant; love evolves over a period of time as you get to know the other person inside and out. A relationship does not mean you are in love. You may be immensely sexually attracted to your partner, but that does not mean you understand the true definition of love. If you haven’t developed a base of loving feelings with your partner, you will become bored once the sexual spark  dies down. Love is not instant.  How to explain love and relationship? A loving relationship is not built in a day. The threads of love take time to weave together to form a strong bond. It is only as you and your partner share your thoughts, fears, dreams, and hopes that love takes root. So trust the process and don’t rush love. It has its own timetable that needs to be respected and not hurried.  The one true love.  We talk about soul mates, but humans are built with the capacity to love over and over again. Thankfully so, or we would never recover from our high school crush or losing a partner to divorce or death.

Indeed true love exist and possible in our day. It looks different for everyone, and everyone finds their true love at different times in their life. Some find them early; others wait a lifetime. But it does exist! It is even possible to have more than one true love in your lifetime. It is exciting and an intense feeling! It is intimate, deep, and passionate. But it goes beyond physical passion to the heart and mind. Do you want to find someone who you know in your heart is your one true love? To find that person, you need to understand and appreciate what true love really means. If you’re in a new relationship, it’s only natural to wonder if your new romance will last. How do you know if you have found true love? How do you know if the joy and excitement you’re feeling right now will lead to a long-term relationship? Even if you are in a long-term relationship, you may sometimes wonder, “Is this true love, or am I settling for less than I deserve? “Do you know what the signs of a healthy relationship are? If you do, then you’re well on your way to understanding what true love really is.

1. You care about this person unconditionally. A tell-tale sign that you’ve found true love is that you absolutely and undeniably adore your partner with no strings attached. In other words, no matter what circumstances may befall you and through good times as well as bad, you support and deeply care for this person. Unconditional love is at the very heart of what true love means and entails.
2. You fully accept your partner. An additional indicator of true love is that you understand and accept your partner for the person who he or she truly is. You’re not trying to change your mate, fix him or her and/or turn him or her into a different person. Rather, you fully accept, appreciate and adore your partner, flaws and all.
3. You can talk about anything. When you’ve found true love, it means that you can candidly and honestly discuss anything with this person. True love implies that you’re completely truthful with your mate, aren’t holding back different aspects of your past and are able to fully open up to him or her. You share an intimacy that’s emotional as well as physical, and your loving connection is stronger because of your willingness and ability to be open and vulnerable around each other.
4. You’re completely yourself with this person. When you’ve found true love, you’re able to be totally authentic with your partner. You’re not pretending to be someone you’re not, feigning interests, passions or pastimes and/or acting in a way that doesn’t reflect the real you. Being yourself in your relationship is essential to experiencing true love.
5. You respect each other. In order to experience true love, it also means that there’s a high level of respect, kindness and compassion between you and your partner. You can empathize with one another, see each other’s point of view and are able to resolve conflicts and squabbles in a way that’s constructive and respectful of each other’s well-being.
6. You have similar values. In order to experience true love, your morals and values have to be aligned with those of your partner. While you may have your differences, such as where you grew up, your religious background or simply your obsession with football, true love means that you’re on the same page when it comes to distinguishing right from wrong. In a word, having similar principles is a principle component of true love.
7. Your happiness levels feed off of each other. If you’re wondering if you’ve found true love, it’s important to pay close attention to your true feelings and emotions. Does making this person happy make you happy in return? Does surprising him or her or doing favors for your partner give you a rush of joy as well? When you and your partner both have a mutual desire to bring happiness and contentment to one another, you should be happy to know that you’re experiencing  true love.
8. You’re a team. When you’ve found true love, it means that you’re fully committed, dedicated and devoted to each other. With true love, you and your partner work together as one unit to enrich each other’s lives for the better. And rather than behaving in a selfish or egotistical way, you think in terms of “we” instead of “me.” When it comes to true love, your mate is really your teammate.

1. Be affectionate. Find even the smallest ways to make contact and show affection and attraction.
2. Slow down and be present. Make time to really talk and listen to your partner.
3. Make eye contact. It sounds simple, but we often forget to just look at our partner.
4. Try something old. Make time and don’t stop doing the activities you loved to do together.
5. Try something new. Don’t just fall into routine. Keep suggesting new activities and be open to ones your  partner   suggests.
6. Break routine. If doing the same thing is deadening your excitement, be open to breaking the habit and making space for spontaneity.
7. Avoid passivity and control. Strive for an equal exchange of ideas. Take responsibility for your own actions and don’t try to control your partner
8. Talk as an “I” instead of a “we”. Remember you will always be two separate people and not to overstep boundaries which diminishes attraction.
9. Be aware of your critical inner voice. We all have an inner enemy that criticize ourselves and our partner and undermines our closest relationships
10. Do something independently. Just because you’re a couple doesn’t mean you have to do everything together. Don’t give up friendships and activities you enjoy on your own and don’t ask you  partner to either
11. Communicate what you feel. Don’t expect your partner to read your mind. Saying what you want and feel directly helps you avoid passive-aggressive or nasty ways of relating. It also encourages your partner to do the same.
12. Avoid the “tit for tat” mentality. Love is an action each of us must choose for ourselves. When we start measuring what we do for each other, we create expectations and breed resentment instead of staying in touch with how good it feels to be        loving  toward someone  else.
13. Support the things that light your partner up.  Never stop supporting and encouraging your partner to be the most alive and to do the things that make your partner feel the most like him/herself… even when those things aren’t what matter most to you.
14. Take actions your partner would perceive as loving. Make sure the things you do are things that matter specifically to your partner. You may love getting flowers, but is that something that would make your partner feel loved?
15. Don’t become closed off. It’s much too easy to shut down whenever we feel embarrassed, anxious, disappointed, or triggered by our partner, but we have to fight to not be closed off and push away the love that comes toward us.

Useful love quotes: 

“You know it’s love when all you want is that person to be happy, even if you’re not part of their happiness.” – Julia Roberts; “When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.” – When Harry Met Sally; “Take my love. I’ll never ask for too much. Just all that you are. And everything that you do.” – Whitney Houston; “Baby it’s you. You’re the one I love, You’re the one I need, You’re the only one I see.” –Beyonce