Fathers hold a very special place at home and in society. A much higher place than they are given credit for today. As we mark another Father’s Day, I wish to thank all fathers and fathers-to-be for the challenging job they do and remind all fathers of the very important role they play in our families and societies. They are supposed to be the gift of heritage to their families. Grey Laurie writing on A Father’s Legacy said, “The greatest legacy we pass on as fathers is not our inheritance. It is not even our good name. It is the spiritual heritage that we give to our children desiring them to walk in the way of the Lord.” Our children must see the gospel lived as well as preached. We shall not only be witnesses to the world; we also need to be witnesses to our homes and families. God has given men the incredible privilege of imitating Him as Father and has placed upon the shoulders of fathers an incredible responsibility. However in our society, father’s role has been grossly misunderstood and suffers greater neglect.
Literally, legacy is the word used for something handed down from one who had gone before or from one generation to the next. For Example: A retiring company president or vice verse, might leave a legacy of honesty and integrity. Legacy is a similar concept as inheritance and heritage. It is something we inherit from past generations and pass to our future generations. Usually heritage refers to material and economical inheritance, while legacy refers to immaterial and cultural inheritance. It could be something that is passed on to you from family, including reputation – we must strive to leave a legacy that will outlive us.
As human beings in the world, we engage in multitude of things. We are therefore investors in many things – some busy, others dormant; some good, others bad. However, the greatest investment we do is in the next generation. It’s a legacy or heritage that we build such that someone else might draw upon. Most of us draw on the legacy of our parents when we get to the end of the rope or when the well runs dry. It could be reaching out to the word of God or to prayers or even wise counsel. It could be a character flaws or behavioral and personality strengths – humility, patience, faith in God, anger, greed, brawl, insecurity and fears, as well as shame, etc. If your dad or mom was such that demean people or involved in “dirty” or immoral lifestyle, those are what he or she passes down and be remembered for. As you mention his/her name anywhere you shall be welcomed with applause or rejection at a glance. Daily as we live our lives, we are leaving or building legacies. The question is: what legacy would we build – godly legacy or evil legacy? Will it be imperishable and eternal? Or will you leave behind only tangible items – such as buildings, money in bank accounts and investment or possessions? We should learn to leave for our children a heritage not just an inheritance.
In American society, mothers are highly esteemed and Mother’s Day celebrated with gifts, pleasantries and funfairs; great exhortations for mothers, remembering all the good things mothers do to raise their siblings. Most Father’s Day is like a memorial of wrong doings and resurrection of negative images of some wrongs some fathers did in the past which are often generalized. The society sees fathers as expendable parts of the family units or nothing more than sperm donors and dead beat dads. Kids are growing up in dysfunctional households because of the declining value placed on the role of fathers in today’s society. About 40 % of children in America go to bed every night without their biological fathers in the homes. The society is beginning to see the effects of fatherless homes.
Brad Froese writing on The Legacy of Dad, said, “People so often have the conception that dad’s don’t love their kids as much as mothers, because they aren’t as emotional or endearing, but fathers have the capacity to love just as much as any other spiritual being……. Dads are just designed by God to express their love in different ways. They express their love when they guard their family and provide good things to their wives and kids.” Good men learn how to be good dads from healthy father-son relationship. Men learn how to manage their household first from the manner their own father treated them, the interaction between them and their dads growing up. Second, from what they learn from their relationship with God in Christ Jesus. The legacy of Christ’s love is the greatest gift a father can give and to be like Jesus in the way we manage our household is the greatest expression of love a dad can give to the family, Brad Froese noted.
God has placed parents as the authorities in the life of their children. And in many ways, fathers represent God to their children. Greg Laurie told a story that illustrates a child-dad’s relationship. “A little boy was frightened one night by a very loud thunderstorm. He called on his father in the next room and said, “Daddy, I am scared.” His father called back from the next room, “son, don’t be scared, God is with you.”The boy paused for a moment and then said, “Yeah, but I want someone with skin on right now.” He added fathers in many ways are like God with skin on to the children…..fathers are the representatives of God to their children. Many of the attitudes a child will develop about God will be based on the relationship with their fathers….fathers need to do everything we can to be a godly influence on our children. Fathers have been called from all nukes and corner to joyfully accept the incredible responsibility of building legacy.
It’s one of father’s core responsibilities to provide for his family. That means he must have a sure means of income or be gainfully employed. This function is very vital and critical since most marital misunderstandings and troubles root on it. 1 Timothy 5:8 says, “But those who won’t care for their relations, especially those in their own household have denied the truth faith. Such people are worse than unbelievers.” Fathers who do not have steady means of income are unhappy and appear miserable, since it tampers on their ego and inability to meet their obligations. When a father does not have steady means of livelihood or gainfully employment, he is exposed to ridicule and shame by members of his household and of course the community. That will affect his ability to meet his obligations and care for his own. Most wives understand the concept of being a helpmate (or helper or playing the supporting role) and some among them struggle with the idea of joint provider since it is the father’s duty to provide for his family. Many abhor the idea of jobless husbands; men who cannot bring in income to care for their families. That’s why when a man loses his job, it is like being in hell. It may not be any hassle if a woman has no job or loses her job, her husband provides for the household as a dutiful responsibility. Some women stand by their husbands without belittling them before the children or the community until they pick up something, while others pick quarrel or even kick them out or make life a living hell.
Gone are the days when father’s obligations ended with provision of family needs. He must as necessity make time to be with his family. Children weigh the time spent with them as love and care. So dads must always strive to maintain a balance of providing for the family and spending quality time with them. There’s therefore a constant struggle to maintain a balance between the giving of our time and giving of out things. The pursue of career shouldn’t be allowed to overshadow the quality time spent with the family. By spending quality time with your family – your wife and children, you relate and bond with them – become a good role model and impact godly influences on them. You crack jokes, laugh, play with them; don’t be distant, too big or too adult, too serious but be a friend and dad.
THE PATTERN OF BUILDING GODLY LEGACY:
The challenge to be a good parent (husband and dad) will make you a good child of God. The reason Andrew Murray said, “The secret of home rule is self–rule: first being ourselves what we want our children to be.” That posed the question: What kind of a person I am? Pastor Art Ferry in “A Legacy” wrote, “Parenthood begins with personhood.” He added, “Personhood is the first step in every endeavor. The issue of life is not credential; its character. Personhood is the first and most vital issue. The first thing in legacy is personhood and first application is partnership. (I call it companionship) in the way you relate and treat your wife; we pour that personhood into our partnership by loving our wives as Christ loved the Church. Then the partnership tackles the spooky responsibility called parenthood (being a godly parent).
I perceive the implication of Art Perry’s exposition this way: Leaving a legacy as responsible father begins with:
- Being a godly person (1 Chronicles 28:9; Psalm 112:1-2)
- Being a good husband – loving your wife (1 Cor. 7:1-5; Col 3:18-20; Eph 5: 25-30; 1 Tim 3:12; 1 Peter 3:7). One must love, honor, nourish and cherish his wife in every aspect of her life. Help her to be a better steward of her gifts and abilities.
- Being a responsible parent (1 Tim. 3:12; Eph 6:4; Prov. 22:6; Prov. 3:11-12).
Every child has a unique and distinct personality. Just as no two snowflakes are exactly alike, it is the same with children. We have to be always present, observe and watch our children and relate with them as God would relate to us. God has entrusted them to our care and we must do everything we can to cherish, treasure each moment and express our love to them. Our children do not belong to us; they belong to God and our duty is to direct them to Him. We must invest not only our resources (money; substances) but most importantly our time on them. Children watch their parent’s action and behavior; how they express their love to each other, respect and honor each other’s opinion and in their unity of purpose especially as it concerns discipline of children.
Children observe their parents react to situation they are not pleased with, react to telling the truth, upholding morals and faith practicing God’s presence. When our children see their mom and dad contradicting what they know is true, great damage can be done. Children pay close attention on how their parent’s expressed their opinions even when they do not agree with the other person. While traveling with children (at the back of their cars) they listen and watch how their parents react towards other road users (for example: do they curse when others overtake them suddenly?); do they observe road signs and as well as what they say about (the police, teachers, govt. officials) about each other when he or she is not around). Parents must be very careful how they talk to each other in the presence of their children especially when they are not happy with a situation at hand.
A father can also express his love through discipline. Froese wrote, “When Jesus rebuked Peter saying, “Satan, get behind me.” He portrayed the power of love through the act of discipline, not wanting Peter to be lost in the old way of thinking.” He added, “Discipline is difficult, and it is often times received by children as a bad thing, but it is a primary fruit of fatherly love. Dad has to discipline, if he loves his children. Prov. 3:11-12 say, “My child, don’t reject the Lord’s discipline, and don’t be upset when He corrects you. For the Lord corrects those he loves, just as a father corrects a child in whom he delights.” Proverbs 4:1ff, “My children, listen when your father corrects you. Pay attention and learn good judgment, for I am giving you good guidance. Don’t turn away from my instruction. For I, too was once my father’s son, tenderly loved as my mother’s only child. My father taught me, take my words to heart. Follow my commands and you will live.” (1-4) NLT.
“Discipline is the act of a father urging his kids to live the right way, for the development and growth of his family…..children raised in the discipline of a strong and loving dad have greater discipline as adults, and disciplined adults make greater contribution to society.” Eph 6:4 says, “And you father, do not irritate, provoke or exasperate your children to resentment, wrath, anger or aggravate…by the way you treat them. Rather bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord”(AMP). Apostle Paul admonished parents to treat their children with love and respect and produce a godly atmosphere and greenhouse for these tender children. Wrath could mean scornful, anger, resentful, discouraged, bitter and aggravate etc. (Col 3:21). Wrath does not include something you do that is right for them even when they do not realize it and it does not receive their approval; such like disciplining the child or setting boundaries for their own benefit and goodness. Children can be provoked to wrath; when their father is absentee dad or when a father is simply too busy to be a dad (engage self in pursuing career or personal hobbies). It could be when fathers are abusive or living in hypocrisy (double standard lifestyle and requiring from their children what he could not do). Children may be provoked when mom manipulates them against their dad or vice verse. when mom does not support dad’s decision on how to discipline their child. A father would be angered when his child disobeys him or join the mom’s influence to treat the dad as if he’s absentee dad. For example: A father sent his child on errand and the mom discouraged the child from obeying his father’s direction. Another, a father was at home with children and the children called their mom at work to ask for permission to visit a friend or go somewhere. The mom didn’t ask the children to obtain permission from their dad who was at home. The children left the house without informing their dad. Such behavior and connivance could anger the dad against his children. It’s dad duty to know the where about of his children and he’s the first line of defense for the family.
The second part of Ephesians 6:4 says, “Rather bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.” Under Christ, a father is the spiritual head of the home (1Cor 11:3). His presence should be felt in the house, in its rule, its worship and through the dad’s gentle love, leadership and example. A dad who loves his household will do his best to lead them in the way of the Lord. 1 Thess. 2:11-13 say, “…. as a father deals with his own children, encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God who calls you into this kingdom and glory.” As father, “we have been charged with the duties of protecting, providing and interceding for our family’s needs. We have the power to shape our families and our societies by the way we live every day. We are called to deliver the Good News of the Gospel message to our families not with word only but also in the way we live everyday….”
Many fathers do not know what the “training and admonition of the Lord” means, talk less bringing their children up in it. Children need to be taught from a young (infant) age about the Lord and nurture on how to obey His instructions (1 Tim 3:15; Due 6:5-9). Training and admonition means more than discipline or punishment for wrong doing. It involves spending time instructing and training children to do right and to avoid evil. The greatest training and admonition is to be an example – doing it yourself what you expect them to do. Most fathers want to leave a legacy to their children; some leave an inheritance and other some aspect of their character. The troubling thing is that too often they leave the aspect they are not too proud of or uncomfortable with.
Legacy could be positive (right thing) or negative (wrong thing). The positive ones are enviable and highly commendable while the negative ones are heart breaking and wishing there were never true. A person can manifest both at different times and situations. A father travelled and his son while watching the television leant of place clash. He went to the mom and ask, if Dad’s plane clashes, what happens? The mom thought the boy was concern on who will pay the bills, put groceries on the table, shoes on his feet. The mom asked what? The boy said who is going to play basket ball in the yard/field and wrestle with me on the rug. A dad is never too big for that. It’s the time spent with his children that matters to them.
“What I love about our heavenly father. He left His heavenly throne and climbed right down into my world to meet me right where I am. “He took me by hand and He walked me through every season and every stage until He finally and ultimately lifts me to His world, forever – A legacy. My Lord is never too busy, He is never too serious …He’s never too big or too bothered; He comes to my world and meets me here.
Few Examples of Father’s and their legacies:
In A Father’s Legacy, Michael Fisher, he exposed various fathers and their legacies. He believes that, “In some significant way, your children will probably turn out just like you.” It goes with the saying, “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.” “And like father, like son.”
Adam: Right/good: Left legacy of sacrifice especially blood sacrifice. Gen 4:3-5. Abel took his father’s advice seriously and made his sacrifice with blood offering. Cain thought God can accept anything but he found out the truth as God rejected him and his offering. Wrong/evil: The legacy of sin – He chose to disobey God and we’ve been disobeying God ever sin. The multiplier effect of Adam’s sin of disobedience –sickness, separation and divorce, violent crime and rape, war and rumors of wars, death, etc. Legacy of disbelief: Gen 2:16-17. Adam did not believe that if he eats the fruit, he will die. He believes God is a God of love who couldn’t do anything harsh.
Abraham: Right/good: Father of faith – He handed over to Isaac the legacy of his faith in God (Gen 24:63f). Even Abraham’s servant sent to pick a wife for Isaac demonstrated faith in the God of his master, Abraham (Gen 24:12f; 26-27). Wrong/evil: A legacy of lying: Gen 12:10-20 –He lied to Pharaoh of Egypt that his wife was his sister. Gen 20:2-18, He told the same lie to Abimelech, king of Gerar. Gen 26:7-11, His son, Isaac did exact same thing –lied to the king of the Philistines that his wife. Rebekah was his sister, Coincidence? Perhaps, a cultural thing – no. It was like father, like son. A Legacy of deception/manipulation: The name Jacob means manipulator scammer. He tricked his twin brother, Esua. *He pulled another fast scam on his father-in-law, Laban, such that Jacob got the biggest portion of all the new livestock. *His children learnt the legacy of deception and deceived no one better than their father, Jacob (Gen 37:31-33). They sold Joseph into slavery in Egypt but tricked the father that ferocious animal had devoured him. *Jacob gave his twelve sons a legacy of deception. Joseph was not immune to his father’s legacy. He pretended he was not angry with his brothers but set them up for false accusation of theft before he reveal his secret identity to them (Gen 42-45).
Eli, Samuel & David: Right/good: These were great men of God. David was a man after God’s heart. These men were great worshippers/ servants of God. Wrong/Evil: Legacies of family neglect: They were so busy with Priesthood or state duties and neglected their families. David committed adultery with Bathsheba and ordered the husband, Uriah – one of his great warriors be killed at warfront (2 Samuel 11: 1f).
May all you wonderful Dads enjoy a Happy Father’s Day