Closed doors catastrophes
People tend to see marriage outside in while the couples see themselves inside out. They admire and judge couples by what they see in public settings but do not know what obtains behind closed doors. Some pretend to be wonderful or even supper couples in Church worships, parties and meetings as well as at work. They become enviable by those who know little or nothing about them; but any attempt to cross the first gate into their domain and have close dealings with them would reveal surprises; I mean otherwise. What goes on behind closed doors of most marriages is nothing short of surprise or better put unbelievable catastrophes. Yet many couples know they are just co-tenanting but live in denial. These groups fake ‘all-is-well’ behavior especially in religious settings and other public gatherings; just to wear the non-existing prestige covering and keep their faces straight.
TODAY [The family Altar] of May-June, 2008 narrated a story in Patrick Morley’s book, The man in the Mirror which reads, “A successful businessman said, I know that my marriage looks like the picture of successes, but behind the closed doors of my private castles, life is very different. Throughout the years, I’ve found myself in homes that outwardly looked like a picture of harmony but in reality were more like a battlefield or walk-in freezer because of unresolved anger [differences].” Does that sound like your personal experience? What happens behind the close door of your marriage: Is it a safe heaven or a catastrophic volcano on earth?
Behind the closed door those unions that lack solid foundation crack and get broken down. Some people go through such union emotionally crippled and live life miserably. Such unions experience breaks down in communication, disrespect, distrust and disharmony. Where children are involved it become more difficult to deal with. Marriage break up happens emotionally before it happens physically. Yet the couples involved live in denial hoping no outsider observe the chaos. Behind closed doors, couples live lonely together; as distance as the soccer goal post. Behind closed doors, there are abuses, in-fighting’s, competitions and unforgiveness; anger, fears and greed as well as hatred. These kill love, destroy trust and paralyze confident in both spouses; help to pollute our faith in God’s love, harmonized living and commitment in our trust in God and His institution of marriage. There is the temptation to ask: if God is love, why do we witness hatred among Christians; divorce and murder in our world. If marriage is God’s creation, why then is it hate dominated?
Behind many closed doors, children are raised in unhealthy atmosphere; under emotional and physical torments with careless disregard. They live in trouble dominated homes, where parents wear boxing gloves and are at the throat of each other; ‘where two elephants fight and the grass suffers.’ Most of these children grew up doubting true companionship and harmony in marriage and the unconditional love of God. They become uncomfortable with opposite sex and cannot wait to leave the house to get their freedom; may be lured by peers to seek love in an alternative lifestyle, initiation into gangs and cults. Behind the four walls of our habitation, we hid our secrets, our idiotcycracies and cover our shame but the odor ooze and stings and we are quick to blame others for the embarrassment.
Of a truth, ‘the house divided against itself will fall.’ The home built by God is peaceful but not problem-free. By couple right sense of commitment to the union, they will do everything to make it work. The greatest illusion couples may have is to take each other for granted and disregard limits and boundaries. Human beings are made in the image of God but we are not God. Only God loves unconditionally and sacrificially; we are urged to emulate God. It all depends on the depth of our faith and circumstances surrendering our particular problems. A spouse should understand the hard feelings and pains of each other and try to avoid things that could trigger them. If a spouse has been abused severally and she/he accommodates or tolerates them, there are limits or extend she/he can’t bear and begin to react adversely.
Again, if your home is an open heaven or love garden, both couple must have worked hard to make it what it is. The couple will enjoy staying in and being with each other. Then the love that emanates from the parents flow to the children and every person that come in contact with the family. The children are raised securely because the parents are secured and lived in harmony; even if they grow to leave home, the good memories of the joyful days growing up make them willingly call home and long to return, visiting. If your marriage is experiencing problem, do not take it for granted as if it does not matter; you should seek for help by consulting an experienced marriage counselor. Be warned that not all who put out sign posts or carry call cards as counselors are true to type. Even among men and women of God, not all are trained or experienced in tough marital issues; you do not need trial and error, it could very dangerous.
I may have to leave you with another touchy story obtained from TODAY of May-June 2008 and it reads, “Several years ago, a member of a neighboring Church asked me to stop by and talk. She had just lost her husband and she felt guilty because she was relieved he was gone. She confided that throughout their marriage he had been verbally, emotionally and physically abusive. Some of the abuse she described was beyond belief. When asked why she never gone for help, she answered, “It was something you did not talk about. Besides, my husband was a leader in our Church and no one would believe me.” It is just one of the closed doors catastrophes. This story may speak nothing new to you; read it again, think about it and let it sink into you. It tells you what other people go through in silence. Women, children and of course, men suffer abuses in solitude. It could challenge our behavior and call for a new thinking and direction. Let it be known that the person you hurt and abuse is another human being, God’s creation and a spouse vowed to be cherished and loved. It may not be too late to rethink and make a new turn. The God that turns chaos into cosmos is still alive and can do it again. There is nothing impossible with Him. He’s waiting for your return; just lay the burden on His feet. Have a great new start.
Reach: Evangelist Ogbonnaya, Godswill at: weefreeministries@yahoo.com or P. O. box 720035, Houston, Texas, 77272.