A CHRISTIAN HUSBAND and TODAY’S CHALLENGES
As the world celebrates another Father’s Day, on June 19, 2011 Discipleship Digest attempts to share with her friends and readers an insight to a pertinent question: who is a Christian husband? The word husband could mean so many things to so many people. However, I shall describe a good husband as a good man who is married to a good woman or say a married man. A Christian husband is a Christian man joined to a Christian woman in marriage; a male spouse. She becomes his companion and complement and the two become one. From the genesis of life, it was God’s plan and intent, that a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh [Genesis 2:24; Ephesians 5:31]. This is to satisfy the need that it is not good for man to be alone – God dislikes loneliness but cherishes togetherness.
A marital story goes like this: A high court judge was returning from work with his Police Escort and his truck drove into his drive way. His little lad who was eating heard the sound of his father’s truck and ran out with his unclean bib to welcome him. The Law Escort saw the lad running out and tried to stop the boy because he was wearing a bib stained with food particles. The judge called the law escort to order saying to him, “in the court, I’m a judge but at home, I’m a husband and a father.” The judge bent down, carried and hugged his baby. This is a good father.
The word husband has been widely misconstrued, misunderstood and misapplied especially in the new era society known as ‘now generation’; where alternative lifestyles are getting unholy welcome and institution of fatherhood under serious attack and depleting in significance. Notwithstanding, the roles and duties of fathers are critical and essential to the family and society; wherever they are ignored and neglected, Hugh consequences cry for attention. However, throughout the scripture the best description of a husband is found in the book of Isaiah 54. In verse 5, Prophet Isaiah described God as the husband of Israel. He’s God Almighty, the Redeemer, the Holy one of Israel and the God of all earth.
Prophet Isaiah’s [chapter 54] descriptions portray what a godly husband should look like or aspire to being and becoming. Marital studies have come up with some realistic formulae of being an ideal or good husband: Here are some outlines of his roles and duties:
- *Helps his spouse find fulfillment and satisfaction in life; removes her reproach and shame because he leaves and cleaves to her: establishes her as No. 1 priority. [Ephesians 5:31; Romans 7:2].
- Takes away all her fears by showing her compassionate love; even if he gets angry, it’s for a while. God is love [1 John 4:8, 16] and love has no fears [1 John 4:18].
- *Remains honest, faithful and loyal to his spouse and family.
- Shows her richness in mercies by daily forgiveness [Ephesians 4:32; Proverbs 10:12].
- *Builds trust and confidence around his spouse and displays godly character.
- Be his spouse’s best friend and does not store or prolong conflicts or hankering anger [Colossians 3:19; Philippians 2:14].
- *Protects and guards his home, spouse and family from all odds; shields her from outside infiltrators and unfriendly friends, like a bird protects her young with her wings and shields them from chill and inclement weather. He should not be uncaring tyrant or wild beast or over controlling macho man.
- *Trains up her children in the fear of God and admonishes them in godly ways. Be a good father and role model to them as well as exhibits tough love.
- Shows his wife committed love and mutual respect [Ephesians 5:25, 28; 1 John 3:18]. Treats his wife as his body [Genesis 2:23]; cherishes her, keeps her warm and comfortable with tender, loving care but he should be careful not to abdicate his leadership position. He’s accountable to God in this function.
- Be her head and have spiritual oversight over the family [Ephesians 5:23; 1 Corinthians 11:3]. It is impossible for the husband to head without the neck [wife’s] submission to his authority; less they experience conflicts. He should be a leader not a boss or dictator.
- *Provides for her needs and a support system needed in the home to the best of his ability and maintains peace. Avoids living in competition with his spouse or outsiders.
- Honors and values his spouse [1Peter 3:7]; treats her as a precious jewel [Proverbs 18:22].
Challenges facing today’s husbands:
God ordained the sacred institution of marriage, made the rules and the authority for the growth of mankind and well being of the society we live in. Sadly estimated statistics show that one of every two marriages in America ends in divorce. The greatest fight is against the authority and headship of a man in marriage; funny enough man did not make himself head but God. So we now know where to channel our protest and petition. No man can head successfully without the flexibility of the neck [submission and support of a woman]. This fight unfortunately has crumbled many homes. “When the home goes, so goes the nation, and as the home goes, so goes the world.” It takes the total commitment of both Christian husband and Christian wife to each other and to Jesus at the center of it; selfless and sacrificial love to build and sustain a home. Both must believe that marriage is for life and must have strong desire and patience to make it work.
Ideal husband does not suggest superhero or tantalizing persona; one who showers his wife with diamonds, flowers and cozy dinners to cover his deficiencies, irresponsibilities plus any unexplained home absence. The environment we operate in, has changed a great deal and most women are more careers oriented and independent such that the role of supporting and caring for the home is mutually shared. Gone are the days when making money was by physical strength; it’s now by intelligence, knowledge and certification. Some wives bring home more money than their husbands. Some of such women have the tendencies to believe or equate baking more bacon to headship. This misconstrued idea has brought much conflicts and cold wars that have crippled many marriages.
In today’s world, being a good husband does not just end in the ability to bring home a monthly [or biweekly] pay checks or providing financial support for the family. As women become more educated and exposed; have the ability and means to support themselves financially, money provision is no longer the only determinant of a good husband. Even some women are singled parents, heads of households and work hard to provide care of their homes. Being a good husband includes financial support and also ability to communicate and listen pensively to his wife, performing and sharing in household chores, being affectionate with spouse and bonding with children. It’s even tougher for husbands whose wives make higher income and have toed independence lifestyles. A great number of them are expected to clean, cook, babysit and tolerate a woman’s complaints and feminism as well as live in subjection to her whims. Though there are few exceptions to this crush; these includes women whose priority is to build their homes, be good helpmates to their spouses and respect authority or man’s role in marriage.
A good husband must recognize and support his wife’s creativity, talents and goals but not at the expense of his own vision and goals. He must share his strengths and weakness with his wife; that makes him become more responsible, affectionate and sensitive towards his spouse. He must create and spend quality time with his wife and not allow the stress of the work place to affect his role and responsibility at home as a good father and husband. He should not be threatened by his wife’s career and achievements; the bacon she bakes or allows any competition in between them. As a matter of fact, these are all blessings and benefits for marrying her. A wise woman builds her home…the foolish tears hers down [Proverbs 14:1]; A virtuous woman gains her husband’s trust and full confidence….she brings him good not harm, all the days of her life…….[Proverbs 31:11-16].
He must be cautious about his communication that it should bring security and seasoned comfort as well as peace to his spouse. Finally, two cannot succeed until they agree and play together. The biggest task an ideal husband has is to carry his wife along in thought, purpose and activity. Both women and Satan know and are conscious of this concern; often use it to demean men especially those in leadership position in Churches, community and corporate world. It is an area of testing and trouble-shooting. Most times husbands are held accountable for the collapse of marriage relationship, even when it was glaringly masterminded by their spouses. Even in biblical days, Adam was held accountable for Eve’s misdeeds while High Priest, Eli and Job were accountable for the behaviors of their children. Today, the sentiments remain the same; the husband is the head and charged with oversight of the family. It does not matter whether a wife makes more money, has better credentials’ or higher chains of achievements; she is a wife and helpmate. When the head fails, the body fails. The task of building and sustaining a home must be done firstly, spiritually, secondly, emotionally and thirdly, physically. These challenges husbands face daily in our emerging world and society. Enjoy a happy Father’s Day.
Reach: Evangelist Ogbonnaya, Godswill @weefreeministries.org or P.0. Box 720035, Houston, Texas, 77272.