Christ Church: our fulfillment: Leaving and cleaving

Jesus Christ, our fulfillment [Leaving & Leaving]

Part ii: Why are Christians having so many troubles in our families/marriages?

Preamble:      In the second day of this revival we shall again attempt to reason together in some ways, Christ is our fulfillment in family life. When we come to God, accept and put faith in Jesus Christ, trusting in His finished work on the cross of Cavalry, He forgives our sins, destroys the yokes of Satan and gives us power and authority to live for Him alone. We need a revelation power of Christ to discern the ways of God and devices of Satan; became more like Christ and live a fulfilled life. It is then we become fulfilled men and women. Jesus Christ becomes our Lord and Savior; our all in all.

The challenge we shall attempt to find solutions to is: If then we are fulfilled men and women [John10:28], why are Christians having so much troubles in our families/marriages?

i]. Is it a case of good players, bad team [good people, bad marriage?]

ii] Bad choices – we make wrong choices – choose wrong spouses.

iii] Had cheerful but deceitful courtships [pretends].

iv] Have allowed the society we live in to dictate and determine our destinies.

v] We got married upon the Lord’s designed manual but live the marriage on secular manual.

The list and reasons may be unending. This is one issue many people are not comfortable discussing, yet it is pertinent and crucial not only to me but to all Christians, because what affects one person affects another. It has become a menace in our society, especially with those living in western culture. Many Church going couples are living lonely together, others separated and many divorce and the consequences begging for Church, community and government’s attention. Many hurt in marriage relationship are being lured into alternative lifestyles, as if that is a reliable option.

            It’s our false nature and misguided culture to pretend that all is well and lift up “holy hands” in Church worship yet afraid to return home after service. Surprisingly, our children know that we are living lonely together, in cheerful deceit like co-tenant. And it’s usually never long before the smoke one tries to hide oozes out and other people begin to know and experience the cold war inside.

I believe that the most crucial reasons for these troubles are:

1. 1.We are married [wedded] but do not leave our parents, old friends and well wishers as well as surroundings to cleave together and are not one. We become partners and comrades but not companions and best friends.

Leaving precedes cleaving:

1. 2.Many are married but do not cleave together; live individual life together.
2. 3.They live as husband and wife but their relationship has not developed and grown into friendship [lovers].

*We cannot live independent of each other and claim to have a fulfilled relationship.

*We cannot live lonely together and claim to live in fulfillment of the union God designed and made.

Read: Genesis 2:18-25; Matthew 19:1-6

Genesis 2:18 – It’s not good that the man should be alone. I will make a helpmate suitable for him [man with compassionate spirit; women with helpmate spirit].

Genesis 2:24 – Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife and they shall become one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed [NKJV].

Concept of Leaving: to leave, loose, forsake, separate, relinquish.

1. 1.We must loosen or relinquish that priority position of commitment that our parents occupy in our lives.
2. 2.Releasing parents and all others including children [except Jesus] into secondary priority level and our spouse to take first place
3. 3.Leaving proceeds cleaving. If we are still very much attached to our parents or any other relationship [former boy or girlfriend etc.] emotionally and psychologically, we will not be able to cleave to our spouses completely.
4. 4.God’s design and plans (in His wisdom) that we leave before cleaving.

Cleaving:

1. 1. To cleave is the same as and synonymous with super glue, blend, cling or stick fast on or weld together to become inseparable and bond together
2. 2.To adhere firmly and closely or loyally unwaveringly to something or somebody.
3. 3.Faithfulness, commitment and pledge for loyalty
4. 4.To come in close contact or hold together and resist separation
5. 5.To cling to one’s vows in spite of persecution
6. 6.Become mixed or blend into one, a unit, a couple
7. 7.It means a covenant, vow, pledge to God and to another person, to love and care for your spouse – more spiritual experience than physical. It’s a triangular covenant: God, you and spouse.

Many married Christians do not understand or underestimate cleaving. Some have it as simply living together [even lonely] in the same house. Funny enough outsiders think they are couples but they know they are co-tenants:

i] Occasioned by economic reason,

ii] What people will say,

iii] Religion and Church hypocrisy

iv] Indecision etc.

This state of life destroys love, creates conflict, competition, bitterness, rivalries, unfaithfulness and distrust. This state no doubt results into separations, divorces and unfortunately murders.

Things that make leaving and cleaving workable:

God designed marriage as the most important relationship in our lives. Children are blessings or products/fruits from God; cannot be more important then husband and wife relationship. The love between a husband and a wife flows down to the children.

Cleaving is a sacred trust, holy vow made to our God who made, knows and sees all, desire us to be fulfilled in our relationship. Second, it’s a vow to another person.

Psalms 127:1 – Except the Lord builds a house, they labor in vain who build it. God should be a steering wheel of a relationship not a spare tire.

Cleaving brings fulfillment in marriage – intimacy and trust. When your spouse knows you place him/her as number one, he/she is not a spare tire but a steering wheel. Cleaving produces healthy togetherness.

When a woman leaves her parents and joins a man, it’s the man’s responsibility to give pre-eminence to his wife; because a wife’s security comes from bonding to her man. The purpose of a woman leaving her parents is to be under another second authority in loving relationship.

Things that hinder cleaving:

1. 1.An inadequate or immature understanding of love; love is not feeling [1 Corinthians 13:4-7];
2. 2.Selfishness [Philippians 2:3-4] ‘Me-first’ principle is a deadly disease, subtly leprosy, the ‘me-first’ altitude and spirit. We have to struggle to put the flesh to death.
3. 3.Circumstances of life: – every marriage has seasons we go through difficult times and situations of life. Such season includes: death of family member, loss of job, sickness, immigration into western culture. Why do we want to allow circumstances determine our destinies, your intimacy and life?
4. 4.Economic Marriage: Choices we make. Our men went home to marry a woman out of profession or trade not love. For example: a knife not a wife. They are more interested in the profession and what they shall get from it. They buy money making [ATM] machine that shall mint money for them. Also our women wait for some men who do not have direction (want economic wife). They climb on top of their citizenship or green card to stoop into the land of the free. Their aim is not to marry people they love but these horses that they shall put to work/used to declare their independence abroad.
5. 5.Priority – you cannot live a fulfilled life if your spouse is not your number one. She does not feel secured and because of that she underestimates/undervalues your love. That’s the beginning of troubles. Your spouse should be your best friend, companion and priority. For example: When Eve preferred to listen to the serpent [visitor/stranger] than God or her husband, Adam, she fell into cheerful deceit. More so she convinced the man to go along with her in disobeying God’s direction.. Do not or never take your relationship for granted.,
6. 6.Encouragement/Responsibility – Some men feel that the moment they import the money making machine, they take retirement; have paid their dues and do nothing. Some derelict their responsibilities and depend on the machine to make all the monies and run the home. Some do not have a sense of encouragement. When a man’s wife work 16 hrs and from there go to another job; sometime gone for days and they do not see each other, you have chosen what you want. Some men can’t even help to boil water or rice that is made for the house; warm stew/soup from the freezer. Rather they wait or watch football game until the woman is back. They want attention, want to make love etc. and only see what the woman has not done or done well. The food may not taste as delicious as if the woman made it, but at least there is something in the house.
7. 7.Some women develop wings and become new creatures in societal norms and when they eventually get the money making certificate, they are no longer wives but the bottoms that have become the head. They make new friends, watch TV divorce court programs and have rights like those who they emulate, compete with and associate more than their spouses. Some of these couples are members of the church who lift “holy hands” on Sunday morning and worship God in pretence; even among them are Pastor’s associates and enablers.
8. 8.Spiritual Wickedness – some of the problems we battle with stem from ancestral spirit, marine spirits [water husbands and water wives]; spiritual forces that need deliverance. We just blame each other, quarrel every day but the problem is not physical. When you are waiting to undergo deliverance, be careful who should lay his/her hands on you because some have demons that has never been cast out.
9. 9.Marriages from Polygamous home – Most marriages form polygamous home appear to have problems. These folks never saw their father express real love to their mother and as such live in the same manner. When they have problems with one spouse, they run to another wives.
10. 10.Authorities in Marriage – men and women have equal access to the spirit of God but they have different responsibilities. Men have been assigned the role of heads in homes and the women, the necks, without which the heads cannot turn. When you respect the head, you are simply obeying God. To the heads, we must respect and appreciate our spouses. They are gifts from God. Men should treat them as our bodies else our prayers shall be hindered.

Cleaving brings intimacy – which requires?

1. 1.Mutual respect

2. Intimate time together – quality and quantity [most times excluding children]. All the attention and emotional energy

1. 3Regular communication

4.   Nakedness (no hidden agenda) expose of thoughts and feelings

5. Daily forgiveness

1. 6.Discipline
2. 7.Strong family values
3. 8.One in God; share same faith and belief.
4. 9.Constant togetherness – eat, bathe, pray, attend worship, shop, etc….

How to save or repair marriages in the busy and stress culture

1. 1.Put God first and your spouse second
2. 2.Mutual respect and commitment
3. 3.Regular communication
4. 4.Selflessness – serve each other selflessness (not with selfish intent)
5. 5.Do not put work before your spouse
6. 6.Do not put children before your spouse
7. 7.Do not allow the stress in today’s culture to affect your relationship. Do not take it out on each other.
8. 8.Cut down on the activities, pressures, stress, and demand on each other.
9. 9.Place your spouse over every other relationship – father, mother, sister, brother, friends and relative.
10. 10.Daily nourishment of the relationship.
11. 11.Make undisturbed time to be together each day
12. 12.Maintain joint account, if possible or agree on share responsibilities
13. 13.Lower your expectation for material things
14. 14.Set parameters in your work life, career achievements and rearing of children
15. 15.Exclusiveness – exclusive relationship with your[1^st commandment]
    1. a.have no place for substitute
    2. b.pornography and the use of alternatives – sex toys etc are all substitute

[2^nd commandment]

16. Use of words – avoid every kind of verbal abuse. Know that words are containers. They contain love and hate; joy and bitterness. Be careful how loose you speak to your spouse. Instead build and encourage one another.