CELEBRATING FATHERHOOD
As the world celebrates Father’s Day in 2007, America is on global war on terror. Many beloved young country men and women are standing sentinel at various war fronts defending American interest as well as the world. Families are separated for prolong period; most dads are at war while moms work in the offices or factories. Needs are not met; children left uncared for and become fatherless by emotionally absent, divorce or death. In this age and time we acknowledge that the family is under severe attack. The attack on the traditional family setting is a direct attack on fatherhood and on the God of all creation. About 1970’s and 1980’s, the liberal thinkers [feminist, social liberals] designed new family structures: the homosexuals, gay and lesbian unions, swingling clubs lifestyles, etc. They claimed they can raise children without men; even the child is better off without them. They propounded two myths: fathers are incompetent and don’t care. Jerold Aust of Good News Magazine opines that modern TV shows like: Desperate Housewives, Wife swap and Two and a Half Men represent the wrong side of the family values and help corrupt reality.
As crime rate soars high, many young dads are serving various jail terms in penitentiaries. Those who survive strive to work and provide child support diverted to other uses than care for the child. These new structures came with certain attractions: freedom of choice, self-fulfillment, right of abortion and freedom to divorce. The effect was sudden surge upward in divorce rate, juvenile delinquency, unwanted pregnancy, truancy among children while child molesters and rapist roar around looking for those to devour. The environment has become more unsafe with numerous home invasions The attack on fatherhood ushers in conflict leadership at home, mutual disrespect; distort families and disorientation; Children involvement in drugs, alcohol and gangs as well as obscure behaviors
It’s not uncommon in this abode to hear some people talk much about their moms and little or nothing about their dads. The society culture throw away dads: emotional absence, frustrated to leave home, discarded, incapacitated or incarcerated. The mom usually give care and comfort while fathers focus more on teaching children about the world around them. During this prenatal period, a child-mother bond is established; improved during breast feeding and at toddler year as the child looks into the mom’s face, knows her and she imparts his /her life. Children yean deeply for dads; are born with a drive to find and connect with their father and not only their mothers. In Christian and African relationship, a man proposes and marries to a woman; becomes her husband. From biblical records, God created the man first, through him he made the woman as a completion to the man. God made the man a head [an overseer] and the woman a neck [pivot] without which the head can not turn. God’s intent is to establish authority in his institution. Dr Ross Parke, author of Fatherhood, opined, “The most impressive thing is fathers are finally waking up to the fact they do matter and society is also recognizing it. Fathers as well as their wives are realizing fathers do play a unique and distinctive role not only in child rearing but in sharing the burden of daily child care as well….”
The change in nuclear family culture of today where both husband and wife work, have also affected the role of fathers in the family. They are no longer seen as only providers but also involve in child rearing, cooking, changing nappy and putting the baby to sleep. Some men may not perform these functions as well as the women do [no naggings] but cultural changes are helping to strengthen father-child relationship, emotional development of the child and building stronger family bonds. The role of the father is by no means secondary to that of the mother. In God’s design of family unit, children are to be reared and raised by father and mother to have balanced and full personality. Even though the mother conceives, carry pregnancy, give birth, breast feed, rear and nurtures the child, the father gives the child spiritual, emotional, physical, and financial as well as social well being. A father is the ideal man in the life of their daughters; the first man they adore and fall in love with. While their boys idolized and emulate him and aspire to be like him. Ideally parents are role model for their children. The children do what they see their parents do. Children with both parents feel safe as they watch position interaction between their parents. If children watch their parents raise voices in anger and being sarcastic to each other or rain insult and put down other people, their children learn fast and emulate these wrong values. Our children should inherit good values and blessings and pass them to their own children.
“Fatherlessness is the most harmful demographic trend of this generation. It‘s the leading cause of declining child wellbeing in the society,” warned social historian David Blankenhorn. ‘It’s also the engine driving our most urgent social problems, from crime to adolescent pregnancy to child sex abuse to domestic violence against women’ [Fatherless America: confronting……..urgent social problem]. ‘Infants who have been well fathered during the first eighteen to twenty-four months of life are more secure than those who were not exploring the world around them and they do so with vigor and interest. They tend to be more curious and less hesitant or fearful especially in the face of novel or unusual stimuli’ [Dr Kyle Pruett]. These exploratory skills are crucial in school and workplace. People, who are inquisitive, socially developed and not afraid to try different methods will easily excel in challenges. Researches reveal that women who are high achievers, such as Margaret Thatcher and Indira Ghandi [Former Prime Minister of Britain and India], respectively were highly influenced and encouraged by their fathers in their academic and political careers. ‘Sons of fathers who took more responsibility for limit setting, discipline and helping their child with personal problems and social work had significantly higher empathy scores…….Father deprivation is directly linked to difficulties in a child’s self control’ [ K. Pruett]. ‘Dads in the family are even more important than women in the workplace.’
“Honor your father and mother” this is the first of the Ten Commandments the ends with a promise……..You will live long life and it shall be well with you. Fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord’ [Ephesians 6:2-4]. This underlined Anna Jarvis’s spearheading the struggle to promote mother’s day celebration as well as inspired Ms Dodd. The honor and celebration of fathers came after many years of celebrating motherhood. The idea of celebrating fathers originated and was vigorously pursued by Ms Sonora Dodd, a loving daughter from Spokane. Her father, Henry Jackson smart single-handedly raised Sonora and five of her siblings following her mom’s demise during child birth. Over the years many Church groups and communities celebrated Father’s day. The campaign and general acceptability got the attention and recognition of President Woodrow Wilson who approved the idea in 1916. As its popularity became eminent, President Calvin Coolidge in 1924 supported the idea of a National Father’s Day. This passion provoked in 1957, Senator Margaret Chase Smith’s letter to the Congress, “Either we honor parents, mother and father or let us desist from honoring either one. But to single out just one of the two parents and omit the other is the most grievous insult imaginable.” Following protracted struggles and campaign President Lyndon Johnson signed a presidential proclamation declaring the 3rd Sunday in June as father’s day in 1966. President Richard Nixon in 1972 established a national Father’s Day to be held on 3rd Sunday of June every year. This concept has spread beyond geographical boundaries and the world celebrates Father’s day in June, yearly.
Father’s day celebration give us opportunity to express thanks and gratitude to our Dads for all their unconditional love and affection; working hard to provide our numerous needs and encourage us in our failures and being there all the time. It could occasion apologies for our insensitive behavior and silly rudeness; ask forgiveness and blessings on our lives. We pray for our fathers and family asking God for long life, good health and peace. We appreciate our dads for the discipline and for not giving us all we needed; for not granting all our permissions to go everywhere we wanted. Phillip Whitman snr said, “Any fool can be a father but it takes a real man to be a daddy.” .Pope John xxiii said it’s easier for a father to have children than for children to have a real father.
Buttressing TV Psychologist Dr Phil McGraw quote, “It’s time …hey don’t surrender, don’t give up. Don’t be intimidated by all the forces tugging on your children and family. Don’t accept the epidemics of oral sex, drugs and alcohol in middle and upper schools. Don’t give up on a child that ignores your instructions because God has not given up on us. As custodians, present them daily to their owner. You may not be their best friend but you are charged to be their leader. Don’t parent out of fear that your kids shall run away from the home; they won’t like you or let the internet or TV baby sit them. You may not borrow money to buy them designed made dresses or shoes but provide the ideal.” Barbara Kingsolver, Animal Dreams said, “It kills you to see them grow up but I guess it would kill you quicker if they didn’t.” Helen Rowland opined, ‘I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father’s protection’ “Small boys become big men through the influence of big men who care about small boys.” Thank you daddy.
Evangelist Ogbonnaya, Godswill can be reached by email:gkapin53@yahoo.com