During Panel Discussion Session on Family Life, at the African Christian Fellowship (ACF), Houston meeting on Sunday April 21, 2013, this question popped up: “Where is God in your marriage?” As I progress on the subject matter, some crucial follow up questions or matters arising from the above subject became evident. Is God outside or inside your marriage? If He is outside guess who is inside? If the devourer is inside, are you surprised at the pandemonium brooding inside? If God is inside, is He at a corner or at the center of your relationship? Furthermore, if God is at the center, is He dormant (passive/ grieved) or actively involved in your daily life? Does He run your life and has a final say or do you pretend He runs your life and you hold the steering tight? If Jesus is steering your boat, are you behind in total surrender like a sheep following a shepherd or in total disarray. If God is in the boat, why are you sore afraid of the storms of life? Are you aware He speaks and the storm becomes still? No storm remains permanent; it shall always be overcome. Is Jesus your compass? Is He the first and last in your daily activities? Do you trust Him for your total protection, safety and provision? Just be patient and remain focused on Christ, the Author and Finisher of our faith.
God created the universe – He is the Maker of heaven and earth and all that is in it (Psalm 24:1f). He also created mankind in His image and likeness (Gen. 1:26). God designed and instituted marriage for mankind to enjoy (not endure). God said, “it was not good for man to be alone” (Gen.2:18). He went ahead and made another creature out of man and brought her to him, in which He simply termed her as a comforter. Adam named her woman because she was taken from him and looked like him (Gen 2:23). Man was excited at the sight of one who looked like him, since all that were around him were other creatures – animals, birds, fishes, and crawling things. Later, he named her Eve, meaning the mother of all earth (Gen. 3:20). God also laid down the simple principle in which marriage is to exist and operate. “For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife and they shall become one” (Gen. 2:24; Ephesians 5:31). Therefore becoming one is a choice that the couple must make and live by it.
This principle will take obedience and hard work on the part of the couples to keep and follow. Where this principle is adhered to, the foundation of the union is solidly secured on Christ. It also means that couples have better insight into the concept and demands of marriage and are ready to pay the price. It results into good (not perfect) marriage. In such union, Jesus is the Chairman and the Captain and He steers the boat. His word is obeyed whether it makes sense or not; whether it is convenient or not or whether the societal trends oppose it or not. Christ has the final say and His words need no rationalization to be politically or societal correct. Some Christians marry under the oath of the bible but live according to worldly constitution. On the other hand, where this principle or concept is neglected, it results into bad or turbulent marriage.
It is not God’s intention for any of His children to experience bad marriage. God designed for marriage to be a lifelong, fulfilling companionship. For a couples’ marriage to thrive within His make and purpose, couples must obey God and His word. They must put aside the world distorted and perverse concept of marriage and strictly honor God and respect His boundaries in marriage. God further buttress marriage for couples to enjoy intimacy and fulfilling love life within the parameters of marriage. They should observe daily forgiveness and lay aside weights and behaviors that hinder marital harmony. It would be an illusion to think of any marriage as perfect only when the foundation is secured in Christ; through the ups and downs, you will come to experience and understand the joy of marriage that the Lord had ordained.
Where God is in your marriage determines your story – success or failure. Being a Church member is good but to achieve success in marriage depends on where you place God in your marriage. God gave couples each spouse as a gift to cherish and love as well as enjoy. God is honored or dishonored on how you appreciate and treat your spouse. To be what God says we are, we must do what He says we must do. Marriage works when couples follow God’s specifics’ and designs for the husband and the wife. Husbands and wives have distinct roles in marriage (Ephesians 5: 21-33) but just before the description of their roles, Apostle Paul issued a code of conduct for couples to submit to one another out of reference for Christ (vs. 21). The word, submit could mean “to rank under” or to put the needs of your spouse before your own.
Husbands are commanded to be heads to their wives and love their wives just as Christ loved the Church and gave up His life for her. Husbands must love their wives as they love themselves and encourage their wives’ spiritual growth. Writing on Honoring God in your Christian Marriage, Bryan Ayers opined, “We may not ever be called upon to die for our spouse but in living we can put them first. As we learn the needs of our wives we need to be sure that their needs are met and that they are fulfilled in their lives all in the context of what they should be in Christ.” Wives must submit to their husband’s leadership, just as she submits to God. She must seek his will above hers and allow her husband to take responsibility for his family. He should be allowed the discretion to make decisions without dis-sension (Romans 12:10; 14:13). Couples should help each other become what God has called them to be without undue nagging and criticism, misaligning and destabilizing; should be a complement and not a competitor.
God has given the husbands (not wives) the oversights of the family. Some heads may not have gotten to where God wants them to be, the turmoil’s and instabilities of the neck will make matter worst. Couples should focus on growing and overcoming and not dwell on minor errors and weaknesses. They should build each other daily and they shall become strong and flourishing as well as enjoying marital harmony. Bear in mind that marriage is not so much of finding the right person as it is in being the right person. Create an intense love for God and His words; see your spouse in the eye of Christ and maintain a genuine interest in your spouse and you will by His grace weather together the storms of life.
Reach: Evangelist/Elder Ogbonnaya, Godswill at email: weefreeministries@yahoo.com or P. O. Box 720035, Houston, Texas, 77272; Web: www.weefreeministries.org; Call: 8328813929 (Cell).