In 2003, The African News Digest, a Weekly Newspaper published in four consecutive weeks my article titled: When the head becomes the bottom [October 14, 21, 28 and November 4 respectively]. That was a wake up call but fell on the rocks. Following that publication, some women met me at one African Store and asked: Are you Ogbonnaya that writes in the newspapers? I said by His grace. They cautioned: you better leave women alone; we are in women’s world and we can do what we like.” In 2007, The Christian Faith Trumpet published another article titled: Problems African Marriages face in Western Culture [July 2007]. This was a situation report that the problem is gaining stronghold while we live in denial. Just last month, The Christian Faith Trumpet published a piece titled: No marriage in Heaven [July 2008]. Again, I found another medium to sound this message and reach another segment of our community in an article titled: Marriage Tussles –Who gains and who looses? It was published in The International Social Connection Magazine, Issue: 013 [August 2008]. I knew something is amiss somewhere, somehow but unfortunately we are not paying attention. Murder is unlawful killing of one human being by another. Murder is extreme, dreadful and sacrilegious; far from being our norm and culture. While the wives murdered their husbands spirits, the husband retaliated by murdering their bodies.
Last Sunday morning [August17, 2008], I received a sad and disturbing email from a friend and colleague titled: Nigerian Men wife-killers in America! It was accompanied with graphic pictures. It quickly got my attention and I perused it. It turned out to be a story of some Nigerian men who had chosen murder to end marriage tussles, published by ICHEOKU. It showed faces, names, and somehow biographies of some ‘denigrate of society.’ These men have painted an average Nigerian man in America as an abuser, domestic violent person and a potential wife–killer. I was angered and vexed in the spirit because this story reflects a disrespect and disregard for the sanctity of life and the institution of marriage. How come that murder suddenly becomes a way out of marriage troubles? So what ended in verbal words years back has now graduated into murder. What a shame to the Nigerian Community in America. Icheoku reveals that, “these men did not only killed their wives but also made their children motherless.” These are ‘frustrated maniacal husbands’ who took their wives lives and are ‘the dregs of the society.’
Even when we live in denial, a great percentage of Nigerian marriages in western culture exist in conflicts and some end in divorce. Those who manage to survive struggle with abuses, domestic violence and live lonely together. A great number of marriages suffer constant crisis, leadership struggles and conflicts, gross disrespect and in submissiveness. We manage to put up smiling but cheerful deceitful faces in the public especially in churches and war in the closets. The children from these homes neither see nor experience real love. The warring parents make life difficult and they pass through untold emotional and spiritual torture; sometimes verbal and financial abuses yet live in silence. These reflect in the way these children relate to their peers, behave in school and in other public places. Many among them can not wait to leave home.
Following ICHEOKU’s story these wife-killers and their murdered wives came from the same ethnicity and background; their husbands all went to Nigeria to marry them. The wives were supported by their husbands to study nursing program and certified as Registered Nurses [R.N’s] in USA. Their marriage conflicts all started after obtaining certification as RN’s and turning into the major bread winners of the family. After unending and irreconcilable ugly situations, they were separated and divorced after their love turned sore; thereafter metamorphozied into murder and death. Could the love of money beyond one’s spouse act as a factor in these crises? Money does what you send it to do. Has lack of gross respect, disregard for headship and betrayals [murder of husbands’ emotion] anything to do with these brutal actions? We all know the causes but we don’t know who the next is?
Come to think of it, could anything justify the killing of one whom you had once loved: your companion and completion? She was also the mother of your children and you have denied them of the love and care of their beloved mom. Murder is a violation of God’s commandment: thou shall not kill [Exodus 20:13; Deuteronomy 5:17]. The person you kill is someone’ else cherished child and relation. You have broken the marriage vow to love, keep and cherish one’s spouse until death do you part. You have violated the society law of caring and being our brothers’ keeper. “Whoso sheddeth man’s blood by man shall his blood be shed: for in the image of God made man? [Genesis 9:6; Numbers 35:16]. You have embarrassed and strained relations with your in-laws, the community that supports the marriage and the Church family. Murder is a bad spirit and a curse that emanated from Satan [John8:44]. God cursed whoever commits murder [Genesis 4:10-11]. By killing one’s spouse you have invoked the spirit of Satan into your family and it affects generations to come. Your up-springs shall suffer side-traction, humiliation and discrimination because of the bad choice of murder their parents had made. Every problem has a solution and there are many choices called options. Before choosing an option, weigh what you have to loose to get what you want. Is it worth the price? What are the consequences of such decision? Are there choices with lesser consequences? Would your option glorify God and be acceptable by those who know you and your exposure in life? Would generations to come remember you for the good you did? Again murder is a tough option and hideous sin before God and man.
Of concern is the fact that these men and women are Church going Christians; have been associated with her since childhood. They were baptized and wedded in the Church and perhaps have accepted Jesus as Lord and Savior. They participate in Church worship and listen to the word. So they know that murder is a hideous sin. They allow the demon to win the battle but I assure them God will win the war. The Spirit of God enters into the heart of those who readily welcome Him in obedience to His word; the word works for those who act on it in faith. But something is critically wrong with our Church going people. It’s either that the people are not doing the word or pastors are not teaching the unadulterated word by the unction of the Holy Spirit or both. The Church has helped somehow to divide some families. The Church leadership treats them as individuals, favoring the one who gives more money and over look the other. Even when these issues are brought to the attention of the church, she plays the dip and skip. Some pastors lack adequate training on marriage counseling and intervention. Even those who are trained are hesitant to be involved in marital matters especially when it will make them look bad to their high money giver. Little wonder some prefer to keep mute or go to court to get fair treatment; many love God but have issue with the Church.
Brethren, some marriages are broken down and yet the couples live lonely together, in abuses until something bad happens. We should be careful the way we deal with our spouses in this land of freedom because people handle betrayal and disappointment differently. I would suggest that rather than kill [or destroy the ATM for failing to honor your request] when faced with irreconcilable and unresolved issues, keep your mind straight and try walking away. Put behind you the embarrassment and what people will say; the house nearly paid up you will loose and other earthly treasures. This behavior gives room for future reconciliatory discussions and to see whether you still love each other. When love is dead, all is dead. Sadly the children loose both parents and are dumbfounded by the sudden darkness that has befallen them. As they witness a parent killed, would they ever believe in the love of God or love or trust anybody anymore? How about the emotional trauma that they shall go through in life? Whatever were the causes of the problems that stretched into murder would be left behind, while the mother earth swallows the bodies. Naked we came into the world and shall return naked [Job 1:21]. Let us stop this mess. Murder is brutal and no way to end marriage ruffles. Again and again, enough is enough “………….there is a more excellent way [1 Corinthians 12:31]. This new way is found in the Holy Bible [I Corinthians Chapter 13]. Read it reflectively and it will challenge your preconceptions and change your prospective.
Reach: Evangelist Ogbonnaya, Godswill at: weefreeministries@yahoo.com or Box 720035, Houston, Texas, 77272.