The Bane of taking your Relationship for granted
“We live life forward and learn from it backward.” We learnt from the story of biblical Adam and Eve the ills of relationship taken for granted. Adam and Eve had enjoyed wholesomely God’s presence, God’s love and relationship to the extent that they took it simple. The woman consequently took her husband’s authority and love for granted and it no longer deserved the honor and respects it worth. Eve turned her focus and attention to the serpent and started listening to its cheerful deceits. What you listen to influence/affect your life. The more she listened to the serpent the more deceit she believed and the less she believed God as well as her husband. The element of doubt set in, grew deep and held strong roots. It was not long, she decided to try out serpent’s lies considered near- truth. The result is common knowledge. The moment you prefer or prioritize a visitor over your spouse you are heading for trouble. They took their focus off from God and placed it on the serpent; took God’s love for granted because He loved them unconditionally and provided all their needs. God created mankind in His image to have communion with them. He was always there with His glorious presence and shared His love with them. In their eyes, He became common even though He was still God.
Today some Christians take God’s love and grace for granted. They may not have a healthy relationship with Christ and care little about it. They believe God is always present and loves unconditionally. He had paid for their sins through the dead of His Son, Christ Jesus on the cross of shame. He’s therefore sufficient in mercies and grace. They became religious, complacent and got hot bath in wrong doings. The scripture ask: shall we continue in wrong doing so grace may abound? The answer is not just no but God forbid. Today, in this odd world, we have more religion but less Christianity, plan more but accomplish less, work two jobs but have less healthy family and have higher knowledge/learning but lower morals. We talk about Church functions and religious activities but none helps one another or wear the sign post of Christ. We pretend in Church and public activities but our inner character is in a mess. We may have conquered the world space but our inner space is in chaos. We keep record of our baptism and confirmation but don’t remember when we had begun a new relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ. Many are not sure if they shall make heaven if dead occurs now. Some are born again but stagnant and behave born against; lack experiential knowledge with Christ. They take their Christianity common leaving non-Christians to believe that Christianity is a weak faith. That is neither right nor true.
Most marriage relationships are taken for granted when couples have no understanding of the purpose of marriage, especially those whose other spouse bring home more bacons. Even when the relationship has deceased and corpse buried, they live like cotenants but neither separated nor divorced because of keeping their non- existence or lost prestige, what people shall say, financial benefits and perhaps the children. When you ask them about their relationship, they enumerate the bills they pay, how many jobs they do and the provision for children needs. As good as these gestures are it’s much but nothing when the relationship is demised. When the relationship is gone, not consciously cared for and nourished, whatever follows is artificial and meaningless; at best cheerful deceit. As many as take their relationship for granted have shifted focus to other things and people. The truth remains that nothing replaces one’s spouse, not even the children or other friends and person[s].
When relationship is taken for granted, it start loosing its vitality and begin to rot. If left unredeemed and salvaged, it gets beyond repairable condition and the outsiders whom you tried to hide it from initially would smell it and get attracted to it. The children would observe the couples have no respect for themselves in their speeches and actions, so they play games and tricks to have their way. When this happens the tendency especially among the mothers is try to buy the children’s love with gifts which is also artificial. If they cared much for the children they would’ve kept the relationship by respecting one another. Don’t forget that before the children were couples and after the children they shall be, if the relationship survives.
Again, a strong relationship breeds healthy family and children. Many couples leave home in the morning and until they return next day they don’t call or talk with one another. They may call their children; chat with other people and enjoy their jokes and advices but not their spouse. However, sharing feelings and needs together is crucial means of communication that strengthens the relationship. Again a marriage needs effective communication in order to thrive. “Talking to each other during the day keep you connected and allows you to share your ups and downs.”
Most couples claim they love themselves but exhibit behaviors that portray otherwise. You can not love or submit to one another without first respecting the person. This lapse is the reason most discussions end in conflict and big time quarrels even to the surprise of the couples. You may have noticed the misfortune but instead of trying to discuss it, you begin to avoid each other. That’s near solution but cannot keep the conflict away. Look deep and you will observe that one of you behaves carelessly or nonchalantly to the other. It simply signifies: ‘what can you do? Whatever you want to do, do it quick; I do not care. My focus is some where-else.’ There’s the sum of lack of mutual respect and love. Such relationship is sick and need help. Behind it could be Spiritual household wickedness or satanic marriage of husbands/wives in Spiritual world. They just hate each other not knowing the reason. They may accuse other people/vices not knowing the cause is in them. One’s worst enemy is the person he/she sees in the mirror. Nothing positive will happen until you begin to open up to each other. Avoidance will only worsen the situation and till towards stalemate. Such people often refuse to go for deliverance and counseling. The Gracia-Prats and Claire Cassidy writing on Good families don’t just happen said “Good communication requires practice, constant efforts, determined Spirit, understanding and trust. Sharing your time and your heart with your spouse is what matters in the long run, not dozen of roses or meaningless gifts/dinner”
Many couples are just husbands and wives but not friends or best friends. Little wonder one frustrated young man said ‘marriage kills love.’ That is why minor issues are easily blown up. Being friends and laughing together are integral to marriage relationship. Some couples are so tensed up against each other that there’s no room for minor jokes. Many spend better time at work and just come home when they shall not meet the other. It’s wrong to take out such stress on your spouse. Some in the midst of all this ‘silence war’ behave as if they don’t care – it does not matter and living as if that alternative is sure and better. The truth is when a couple shifts his/her focus from his/her spouse onto other thing or person he/she feel some sense of infatuation and near security; but it’s all fake and unsure. Again if you have been praying to God to heal your marriage and none of you is working towards it to make it happen then there’s no vessel for God to use. You can deceive yourself and the world around you for a time but God knows the truth. Sometime it’s better for the couples to separate for a while to see whether they still need each other. This is also an interval to seek help, if they need one. You could be wasting time and resources trying to fix an irreparable dead junk. It may do you well allowing the sleeping dog lie. If you take your relationship for granted don’t be surprised when it collapses; nobody shall help you fix it. To be forewarned is to be forearmed. In most divorce/ separation cases, the remote cause is always taking your relationship for granted. The second is behaving as if one don’t care anymore or it does not matter when in actuality it still means a great lot to you. Charles Kingsley said “There are two freedoms – the false, where one is free to do what he/she likes; the true, where he/she is free to do what he/she ought.”
Reach: Evangelist Ogbonnaya, Godswill at: weefreeministries@yahoo.com or P.O.Box 720035,Houston, Texas, 77272.