HOME IMPROVEMENT SERIES X

HOME IMPROVEMENT SERIES X – MEN FROM ABA AND WOMEN FROM IKOT-EKPENE

believe it is important to say that I am a strong believer in “Intelligent design” rather than “Evolution”. As a Christian and a graduate of Geography, I have been exposed to the “big band theory” and to the story of creation in the Bible, I choose to believe that it is only an Intelligent God that could have created what I’m about to describe.

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In the story of creation in the Bible, God created men from the dust of the earth and created women from the rib of men, why He chose to create men and women differently is His prerogative, but what we know is that we are different. In 1 Peter 3, Peter wrote to the church that the women should be treated gently because they are a weaker vessel. Peter was a fisherman and did not study anatomy and physiology, so he could not have guessed what science would found out almost two thousand years after him that men have 50% more brute strength than women.

There are many differences in men and women that directly affect how we talk and relate to each other. These differences were not designed to create marital problems but for the man to compliment what the woman does not have and the woman to compliment what the man does not have.

Differences

Chromosome – God in His infinite wisdom decided to give men XY chromosome and women XX chromosome (these chromosomes can be broken down more – but we’ll stick with the above because we are not in a genetic class). The chromosome determine the sex of the baby, to have a boy the man’s Y chromosome sperm must join with a woman’s X chromosome egg and to have a girl, a man’s X chromosome sperm must join with the woman’s X chromosome. So it is ludicrous to blame your wife for having girls, you should take your battle to God, who determines what sperm meet up with what egg.

P.S. Scientist around the world are working overtime to determine how to extract specific sperms, so that they can determine the sex of the baby, time will tell if God gives them the knowledge to do that.

Metabolism – This is the rate at which food is digested, again the creator programmed the man to have a faster rate of metabolism than a woman. What this leads to is men having a lot more energy because when they eat it is processed faster and turns into energy faster, on the other hand, because the rate of metabolism in women is slower food is processed more slowly and more of the food is retained in the body as fat, that is why more women have fat in their body than men. This causes problem in the bedroom because the man would usually feel colder than the woman due to the low fat in his body to ward off cold. In cold countries like American (closer to Canada) and Northern Europe, it is a common place for the man and the woman to fight over the thermostat in their bedroom because someone is cold and the other person is not.

Body Functions – Menstruation, Lactation, and larger Thyroid glands are part of the body functions that separate the woman from the man. A woman’s body contains more water and 20% les red blood cells, red cells carry oxygen, because the man has more red cells than in-turn translate into more energy for the man.

The faster rate of metabolism and more red cells account for the man having 50% more brute strength than a woman. That is why a thin man can carry heavier loads than a woman that is bigger, or why the man can last longer in events that require oxygen, like a marathon race, or military drills (that is why women’s military drills are shorter in mileage than men’s)

Hormones – The hormones that flows our body, to me is one of the wonders of God. The predominant hormone in man is Testosterone, while the predominant hormone in a woman is Estrogen. Both hormones have different functions and they account for a vast difference in a man and a woman. Estrogen (very low in men) is the hormone that controls the emotion in any individual (among other functions), the predominance of this hormone in a woman, makes women more emotional in their outlook of life, this hormone is released cyclically in a woman. Every twenty-eight days, estrogen is withdrawn and progesterone (hormone that prepare the body for childbirth) is released, causing emotional imbalance in women (this 7 days period of withdrawal is called Pre-Menstrual Syndrome PMS). Testosterone (low in women) on the other hand makes men take risks (some good, some stupid) and men get the hormone on a regular basis rather than cyclically.

These hormones makes men even keel for the most part (except for someone that has hormonal imbalance), while women relate more emotionally.

Brain Function – Over a hundred years of studying the brain has shown that the brain is divided into two parts, the Left Hemisphere and Right Hemisphere. The same studies also show that most women use mostly the right hemisphere, while most men use the left hemisphere. The right hemisphere contains different functions, among them, emotion and intuition, while the left hemisphere house the analytical part of human system. The two hemispheres are connected together by a “fiber” called Corpus Callosum and women have 40% more of this fiber connecting the hemispheres.

The division and usage of the brain by men and women, make women more emotional and intuitive while men are more analytical. Most men would say to their spouse “let me think about it”, while women would give their thoughts instantaneously. The connection of the hemispheres also make women multifunctional, meaning they are capable of doing many tasks at the same time, while a man can only perform a task at a time.

These differences account for many communication problems at home, most time causing conflicts because as humans, men want to change women to reason like them, while women want the man to be emotional as them, instead of recognizing the differences and working with each other’s strength. Let’s share some examples. When a woman tell her husband that they would visit only one place before they leave home, and she now changes her mind along the way that they should visit two more places, a typical man would have serious problems with that, because he has programmed one place in his brain and it takes a lot of energy for him to change that information in his brain, which he does not want to do. Women’s intuition help them greatly, when your wife has reservation about your business partner, don’t dismiss it as a woman’s freakiness, check the person out.

Men

Competitive

Women

Cooperative

Men are typically competitive due to the hormones. Boys play by competing against each other, playing superheroes and playing with guns. While girls play by doing things that are cooperative rather than competitive, like playing house. Big boys are competitive with who has the best car or the best home theatre system, while the women compare the kids uniforms, the school, the bad teacher, their gardens (not how better than the other) but how come your tomatoes are better than mine, so I can go buy the ingredient.

Exclusive

Inclusive

When a man has problem, he would look for a trusted friend to talk to and would tell his problem as a third party “I have a friend who has this problem”, most women on the other hand have no problem sharing their problems with their circle of friends, which typically include, mom, sister, best friend(s) etc. This is usually why men don’t like going for counseling.

Facts Oriented

Feelings Oriented

This is my favorite difference because it’s very easy to demonstrate as a speaker/teacher. Usually, I ask to see peoples note after two days of teaching and the women typically would have about four pages of note while the men would have about one page. Men listen for facts in issues, while women listen for the feelings. This I believe also account for child rearing, because husband and wife would see the issue at hand differently and the conclusion on how to discipline would be different.

Information Based

Relational Based

When buying a house for instance, men are more concerned about the price, the cost of furnishing, the cost of maintenance, while the woman is concerned about the kitchen location and size, and cozying up to the real estate person asking about the person’s family. It takes a while for a man to trust and build relationship, while women typically build relationship faster.

Need time to Process thoughts

Process thoughts immediately

Because of the analytical side of the brain, men would usually want to plan stuff, not buy on impulse, have high blood pressure when the wife goes to the store and come back with 10 bags of stuff that is not needed till Christmas. Women on the other hand are frustrated when the husband insists that they don’t need a new carpet now until they put it in the budget or why they can’t buy stuff that is on sale. We will never have anything in our house if the decision was left to me, I even get anxious when my wife look through store magazine, she has told me many times to relax.

The differences in the way God made us is apparent in every area of our lives, instead of trying to change each other, we should recognize those differences and celebrate them. It took me sometime to respect my wife’s viewpoint, I initially thought they were silly, but now I have come to respect and look forward to her viewpoint, it usually saves us money (we still struggle with how she gives her opinion to me or the timing of when I give my opinion).

While men struggle with sharing feelings, women thrive in that, while women make decisions on how they feel at a certain time, men want to hold out for a while – both viewpoints is needed at different point in the marriage. A good marriage is one that the differences are acknowledged and respected.

ALSO SEE IN THIS SERIES

Part I – Anger and Forgiveness

Part II – Maintaining your marriage

Part III – The heart of a leader

Part IV – Communicate instead of talking

Part V – Setting a family vision

Part VII – Managing stress

Part VII – The act of sex

Part VIII – In-laws or Out-laws?

Part IX – Talking to your pre-teen and teenagers about sex

Part X – Men from Aba and women from Ikot-Ekpene

Part XI – Unrealistic expectations