The former Vice President Dan Quayle was quoted to have said, “….the failure of our families is hurting America deeply…when families fail, society fails…. Children need love and discipline. They need moms and dads. A welfare check is not a husband. The state is not a father. It is from parents that children learn how to behave in society……It is from parents above all that children come to understand values and themselves as men and women, moms and dads….Bearing babies irresponsibly is, simply, wrong. Failing to support children one has fathered is wrong. We must be unequivocal about this.”
There’s a difference between being a man, a husband and a dad. Rob Palkovitz, a professor at the University of Delaware was quoted to have noted, “Men can become fathers in a biological sense, yet not always make the psychological and behavioral adjustments needed to embrace the role of fathering.” Being a dad, Palkovitz explained, carries a different type of responsibility to that of a husband (sperm donor or mom’s new man’s friend or step parent) and requires an additional commitment. This transition will affect a man’s choices, behavior and priorities in everyday life. This takes time; fathering is a role that men gradually grow into, and fatherhood is a monumental turning point in a man’s life. Fathers are an integral part to healthy family life. “Any man can become a father…it takes someone special to be DAD.”
On the surface, one may think that father and Dad means the same thing but deep thoughts reveal that there is a difference. A father is the male parent of the child; its progenitor. A father is someone who contributes to the physical creation of a child from whom the sperm was obtained to fertilize the mother’s ovum. He shares DNA with the child, but he may or may not share responsibility in the child’s growth and development. A father just supplies his family with the basic needs of clothing, shelter, feeding, etc. A father simply thinks about caring for his family per se. As long as he can pay the utility bills on time, and as long as he can readily supply food or the basic necessities for his family, then he’s already good with that. Not all fathers are active in the children’s lives. There are many fathers who believe that once the child is born, their role is over. Dad is a term that means affection and familiarity. Dad is someone who actively participates in the child’s growth and development. A dad is someone who is present (is there) and gives guidance to his children or family; supplies them with the basic necessities of life. A dad finds satisfaction in interacting with his wife and kids more than when he succeeds in his career. Fathering is an act of nature, while being a dad is all about nurture.
The United States and to an extent, most advanced countries of the world, have witnessed the epidemic of fathers who abandon their families and children sometimes before the child is even born. Many men have been constrained into nonparticipation in their child’s life and left it to someone else – sometimes mom, grandparents or step dad or sometimes another man who’s not afraid of stepping in to fill dad’s role. In many cases, the mom and child truly would be better off without the abusive or nonchalant father in their lives. On the other hand, in some cases, it’s not that fathers don’t want to be dads, it is that moms don’t allow fathers to be dads. These moms make fathers look like “Second-class” parents. No doubt the women carry the child, give birth and more often than fathers raise the child and invariably have much influence on children but sometimes the moms discouraged fathers from participating in their children’s lives.
Recent statistics show that more than 70% of the US population thinks the most significant social problem in this country is that so many children grow up without fathers. Cosby wrote in his book, Fatherless children, “A home without a father is a challenge.” “A neighborhood without fathers is a catastrophe..” A mother can usually teach a daughter how to be a woman. But as much as mothers love their sons, they have difficulty showing a son how to be a man…..” Researches show that an increased amount of father-child involvement may help increase a child’s social stability, educational achievements and their potential to have a solid marriage and as an adult as well as develop greater problem solving skills. Dads are there for the child when they need them, in good and bad times. They stay up with the child, peruse his/her school records and help out, where need be; attend child’s games and team practices. They play with the child in the house and outside, teach them to ride bike, to swim and to drive a car; available to comfort them in times of need, expressing affection and sharing spiritual activity such as praying together, bible study, worship service and of course give them away to marriage. They provide guidance, an open ear and caring heart. Children with fathers at home tend to do better at school, are less prone to depression, suicide, precocious sexual activity and drug use; are more successful in relationships. “I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father’s protection” wrote Sigmund Freud.