DIFFERENT STROKES AND DIFFERENT PEOPLE
While growing up as a young man in Africa, I saw my father as a mini god. His words were just right and needed no arguments. He was a firm man who believed in his ways. On his soft side he was polite and appreciative of anything you did for him. I look more like him but we do not behave alike. We are neither too different nor too similar. Sons do not have to be like their fathers. The saying like father like son is not true at all situations. Both could be successful but in different profession or career. Our children in the advanced world neither behave like us nor share in our values. Not even our wives in the new found freedom state would behave like our mothers. The environment may not help matters. There are millions of parents that have offspring’s that are different from their biological parents. The difference could be in personality, interest, vacation and behavior.
Dr Elijah A. Famojuro writing on daughters that are different from their mothers and sons that are different from their fathers narrated a story of Robert Stevenson, the Irish genius of the 1800s who invented the steam engine. He was a great mathematician and a guru in physics and genius in calculus and potential dynamics. As usual with human beings, most parents want their children to be like them. Fathers want their sons to be their replicas in conduct, habit, and vocation. Similarly mothers want their daughters to look like them, posses their character, and speak like them and pursue their vacations. However the story of Robert Louis Stevenson was different. His only son hated mathematics and anything in figures but devoted interest to the letters- the writing of imaginary stories called fiction. His son’s life was surrounded by fantasies and soliloquies. The father was an engineer, inventing practical things while his son- a storywriter lived on illusion. They were opposite but equally successful. They prospered in different dimensions.
If all the people in a household behave alike, the life in that home might be very boring. Their differences could be on a positive note. This brings to mind the story of a man called Okonkwo in a popular African novel and film titled things fall apart, written by Dr Chima Achebe. Okonkwo was hardworking, a good wrestler, titleholder and a prosperous farmer. He commanded dignity and respect; was very famous within his community because of his achievements. The opposite was his father – Unoka. He was a lousy, lazy person who had no reputable achievement. He sniffed tobacco every morning and couldn’t carry out his family responsibilities. He lacked ambition whatsoever. Okonkwo did not want to be like his father because he considered him a failure. However it’s the dream and prayer of most parents to raised children would be greater in fame and wealthier than them. Those who would have not only book knowledge but most importantly common sense [though not common].
It’s the dream of every mother to give birth to a daughter who is like her, in habit, cleanliness, caring, and homeliness, being respectful and in humility. Most African mothers are very hardworking, keeping two jobs and still come home to clean up and cook for the family. Some of their daughters like to live in fantasy world and would not like anyone to tell them what to do. They might watch television and play video games all day and do not help in home activities. Some moms and dads smoke but their children dread the dirty habit. Some parents take live seriously but their children live casually. They never worry much about anything; some are free spirits. Most daughters are in love with their fathers and get easily angered when their moms disrespect their dads. If it becomes habitual, it may result to disliking and fighting a silent war with their moms. Equally most boys are so attached to their moms and for any noticeable misunderstanding between their parents could cause the boys to dislike or even openly confront their dads.
Problems occur when parents are not observant enough to foresee the differences early in life. Most times they noticed the differences but could not handle them. I know an Attorney who deadly wanted his son to be an Attorney. The guy had no interest in law or arts. He was more of a science material than arts. He read law and passed the bar examinations because he was smart. He started working in his father’s chamber. The father was glad but the young attorney was living in frustration. While the father was looking forward to his son taking over the chamber, the guy quit and stated a real estate business. Again most pastors desire their children to chose their vocation and become pastors as if it’s a generic thing. They don’t mind whether their children have the calling to be pastors or not. Just like the attorney, Pastor wants their children to take over their+ financial empire. To satisfy this quest they push their children early into their ministries. Everyone is created differently with special gifts and talents. As much as it is advisable to listen to our parent’s advice since they probably lived twice our age, we should allow our children to choose their career or vocation. If the parents paid adequate attention and had better interactions with their children, they would picture their interest early in life and probably their vocations. In every choice we make for our children their interest should be paramount.
God gave everyone a talent; there is one thing you can do better than someone else. One may be good in science and figures while the other may be wonderful in arts and illusion. There are a lot of inequalities in nature. How we discover where our talents lie is very important. In life some people know how to get things done while others are experts in talking about how to get things done. Speaking general men and women are fundamentally different. Their interest are different as well as their approach to issues. Men are physical while women are emotional. Men are functional while women are relational. Women appear to be more patient, attentive, understanding and compromising. Men are too secretive; keep their emotions to themselves utterly suffering in silence. They appear authoritarian and approach life more seriously. Women are as hardworking as men, but approach their businesses with fun, simplicity and in a relaxed manner.
Dr Elijah A Famojuro suggests that parents should take their children to their roots- place of birth, country of origin and let them see where their lives began, enjoying the warmth of their relations, family members and friends. Such visit may help them understand where their parents are coming from and perhaps why they behalf the way they do. Such visit would expose them to their culture and traditions. African parents should at early stage constantly drill their children’s mind on the values, responsibilities, expectations and road to independence in life. They should in addition expose their children to various professionals- people who are successful in their area of expertise whom we may want their children to pattern their lives after. These exposures help in fathoming their lives and provoking interest in a particular trade or Vacation. This could explain why telecast judge Hatchet sent some juveniles to meet with prominent and successful personalities. Such visit could influence these children positively in making right choices.
Its no surprised for children to look and behave like their parents. Generic and environmental factors as well as early training could be responsible. Sometimes children need no introduction. A mere sight of them could convince any doubling Thomas who is their parents; they are replica, in look, speech and attitude. However some children are just different from their parents. That‘s the work of nature. Let this truth rise above falsehood as oil above water. That’s how we have different strokes and different people.
Elder Ogbonnaya can be reached by email: gkapin53@yahoo.com