ARE FRIENDS REAL BURDEN BEARERS?
The answer could be yes or no. It is no, when the friendship is one-sided, lacks loving care and filled with unhealthy rivalries or competitions. Some friendship can leave people depleted instead of renewed; it could be hostile, conflicted and non-supportive. Such relationship causes stress rather that reduce it, and of no useful or beneficial consequences. Some other types of friendship could be a bad influence and may lands one in a wrong crowd (Proverb. 18-24). On the contrary and on a positive side, good friendship helps maintain good health and long life. This is a desired friendship and brings with it a lot of social support. Such friend encourages you to take good care of yourself and helps out when a health crisis looms. They think good of each other and are always there for each other. Such are friends in need and in deed. Teresa Seeman, an Epidemiologist at University of California, Los Angeles was quoted, as thus “Our bodies are sensitive to a whole range of social ties.” Also a group of scientists have discovered that many of intricate physiological process that governs illness can be influenced by the presence or absence of social connections.
Historically I learned from the scriptures about the genesis of life that, God’s purpose of creating mankind was to have a relationship and use them to establish and expand His kingdom. He noticed after creating Adam that he was alone, so the quickly made a woman out of Adam; named eve and gave her to Adam as a wife. This was to ensure they share fellowship and companionship with Him and one another. It could be claimed from the beginning, God created man, a social being with ability to relate with Him and one another. This could explain the excitement Adam expressed when he sighted Eve. Little wonder that Jesus cheered up His disciples calling them friends and no longer servants. This was to bring them closer, disclose the purpose of creation and secrets of the kingdom to them; love and cherish them even when they failed him and behaved short of his expectation. Yet, he was always there for them, instructing, rebuking, encouraging and rescuing them. As if that was all, in the spirit of love and friendship, He humbled himself on the cross and died for the sins of the whole wide world, so that those who believe in him shall have eternal life.
Readers Digest of September 2002 edition, page 112ff had this story: “Elva Robinson will never forget the phone call she received one September morning. Her daughter Dianna, a 22 years old college student, had been killed in an automobile accident. The weeks and months that followed were a blur of grief for Elva. Relatives, Church members and neighbors in her tiny farming town reached out to her and her family, but Elva drew greatest comfort from her old school friend, Irma Hyson. In a tragic coincidence, Irma had lost her 21 years old daughter, Nancy in an auto accident just a year before. Now Irma and Elva would spend hours crying and talking about their daughters. Sometimes they would take flowers to the cemetery together. Irma understood like no one else what Elva was feeling and that gave Eva strength”.
This resulted their sharing in one another’s losses, hardships and joys over years. Elva said of Irma, ‘I don’t know what I’d do without her”. I know she feels the same way about me. This is real friendship born out of social ties. Ronal Glaser, an Immunologist of Ohio state university, Columbus commented, “Social ties are the cheapest medicine we’ve got and a lack of social support raises the risk of pre-mature death even more than smoking cigarette.” He further opined, “one of the worst things you can do to someone is isolate the person”. This is true when couples live lonely together.
In the Gospel of Luke chapter 5 verses 17-26, a story demonstrated not only the healing power of Jesus Christ, but also the support and determination of good friendship. The four men had desired to seek help and healing for their sick friend-a paralytic. So they carried him on a mat to the synagogue where Jesus was teaching and the power of God was present to heal. They could not gain immediate entrance into the place because of the crowd. This sea of people occupied and filled the place of worship to outside. They tried in vain to enter through the doors and windows; at last succeeded through the “roof top”. The roof top experience could have been Herculean task but worth the risk and effort. Little wonder when Jesus saw their faith, he quickly declared healing on the sick. These four friends were burden bearers. They must have suffered persecution, humiliation and hostility of the Sadducees and Pharisees before breaking through the barriers and crowd. Have you ever imagined what could be involved to break through a Church building’s rooftop while members worship service was in session? Neither the crowd, nor the presence of the Elders- (owners) of the synagogue deterred them because their minds were made-up.
In another incidence, in the Gospel of John Chapter 11, Jesus wept openly when he saw the depth of grief and sorrow Mary and Martha expressed over the passing away of their late beloved brother Lazarus, who incidentally was Jesus friend. He was moved to share with them, the death burden but there after demonstrated the life-giving power in Him. “I came that you may have life and have it abundantly” (John 10:10). It’s also a common knowledge that when mention of true friendship is made in Christian Circles, the mutual relationship between King David and Jonathan (King Saul’s son) is often sited.
However in a contemporary society such as ours, we still have “close friends” or “best friends” who are there for each other. Some are individuals, while others are corporate bodies such as Churches, philanthropic organizations, Faith based and family associations as well as social clubs. These organizations extend welfare packages to meet various needs of persons. Studies have shown that people with plenty of social support are less likely to suffer from depression, anxiety and other types of mental illness. Nonetheless, there are situations where your best friend could be your spouse. Marriages offer such protection too, especially for man because men tend to get their emotional needs met by the women in their lives rather than by male pals. Also most women feel comfortable and secured with men than fellow women. Men and women both form strong relationship and bond but the pattern are different.
We often come across people who expect human beings to solve all their problems; they often say “I don’t love him anymore, for he does not meet all my needs.” Unfortunately, unknown to them, it’s only God that meet all needs; no human – no spouse, no child, no parent, no friend, no colleague – can meet all of one’s need. You may be considered favored if your mate happens to meet most of your needs; that’s cute, thank God, and appreciate your rare being. Our complex world is ever changing. These changes come along with various needs to meet. Some of these needs are met divinely, while others through human beings and even more so others are a combination of both. Those who had earlier been hurt may choose to remain lonely and be their own best friends. Other group of people considered “have enough” or “have arrived” by world exterior measure of success, live lifestyles that ignore the importance of social ties. Studies reveal that these people feel unhappy, unsaved and depressed despite their claimed successes; die pre-maturely, sad and/or commit suicide. Some try to substitute ties with drugs, wine and being lonely married to TV screens; yet have no closed substitute to mutual relationship.
During the last quarter of last year, I have found myself amongst group of people, having tried all known available physical means to help our friend/relations out of serious dilemma ended up seeking God’s face through fasting and prayers. Could we be called burden bearers? Problems have various faces; money may not be all that is most needed; it could be time with, prayers and comforting and encouraging words or someone to do the errand – do this or that. Sometimes it takes more than a person to satisfy a need; hence the importance of “join – heads”/union or ties and belonging to an association/groups. The burden being shared by many are merrier, lighter and joyful. However, the truth is that “a group (whether a church, town meeting or social club) is only as safe, healthy, and helpful as the people in them”.
How would you describe your friends? Are they convenience pals or helpful buddies? What kind of friend are you? What type association (s) do you belong? Do they share in one another’s joys and burden and sometimes called to help out in the burdens of others? That’s what friendship is all about; that’s life.
Reach: Evangelist Ogbonnaya, Godswill @weefreeministries@yahoo.com or P.O. Box 720035, Houston, Texas, 77272; Web: Weefreeministries.org; Ph: 832-881-3929 ©