APPRECIATING YOUR SPOUSE
Daily we listen and watch news of spouses abusing each other. It could be a man shot his wife dead or a wife running over a husband in a truck; a husband cheating on the wife or a wife desecrating her body. Sometimes you witness a wife raining indecent words on the husband or a husband devaluing the prestige and respect of the wife. Some husbands have reduced their wives to slaves while wives have turned husbands into carpets, stepping on them at wills. Some wives work two to three jobs to make ends meet yet their husbands are insatiable and like Oliver Twist ask for more. Others compare their husbands to other people and treat them meanly worst than house help even before their children. In all these, we wonder what the real problems are that could warrant such indignity, disrespect and inhuman treatment of each other. The answer is that we have failed to appreciate the blessing God has put on our ways to bless and complete us. Often these lapses continue until we loose what we have and we blame every other person and circumstances but not ourselves.
Spouses are often called the better halves. They’re the ones God and nature has put in our lives to fulfill and make them complete. In Adam’s relation, God observed that He was alone and He said, “It’s not good for man to be alone.” God caused Adam into deep sleep and perform a Spiritual surgery on him; brought out one of his rib and molded it into another human being to complete and fulfill him. God then brought her to Adam who received her with great excitement saying, “This is the borne of my bone and the flesh of my flesh.” This excitement was in appreciation of the amazing and customized gift that God made for him in mind. God had brought into his life an end to his loneliness by supplying a companion and a comforter. This glorious gift did not look like any other creation but just like man. Adam understood the vital role the woman would play in his life and in creation since he had already named other creations and there were made two by two, male and female; he first named her woman meaning taken from me and made for me and thereafter, Eve, mother of all earth. This first couple was in one body before they were made two distinged bodies to become a unit, cleave as one after being united.
For this reason the scripture urges us to love our spouses just like our bodies. It goes to presuppose that we must love ourselves before we could love another person. The word love is the opposite of hate; and its meaning opposes grudges, pride and arrogance, unkindness, greed, cheat, un-forgiveness and eye service as well as pretence. Love includes accept, respect, honor, nourish and forgive as well as appreciate; on an ugly moment it could as well mean tolerate and sometimes endure. Apostle Paul trying to give insights into the unexplainable, mystery and glorious love experience as seen in God wrote, “Love is patience and kind; it’s not jealousy or conceited or proud; love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep records of wrongs; love is not happy with evil but is pleased with the truth. Love never gives up; and its faith, hope, patience never fail” [1 Corinthians 13:4-7]. Many other authors have taken clues from Pauline insights and further explain what love is and how and why we should love sacrificially.
In some relationship, all these warm and good gestures could manifest during courtship and in the early days of marriage; while other people practice them for a life time. If we are really grateful and thankful for what we have, we should express gratitude for it. If God had given us His spirit to guide in choosing each other, then we should be thankful enough to show appreciation for having each other. Again the scripture says, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing” [Proverbs 18:22]. You may have found a knife instead of a wife and that’s a bad thing. A wife comes to build while a knife comes to cut down and destroy [Proverbs 14:1]. If your spouse is a good thing, then you should learn to appreciate, respect and cherish her. On the contrary, the righteous man desires good thing and wonderful expectations and fears and obtains favor of the Lord [Proverbs 11:23; 12:2]. On the other hand, she that has been found should in appreciation honor one who chose and accepted her. More so, since the two have cleaved together then they have become one. Surprisingly many have married for donkey years but are not cleaved to each other. Two are better than one; have corporate synergies, become stronger and sophisticated to face life’s challenges together. We have to lean and depend on each other in our daily walk; find solace in the Lord of life.
The greatest benefit of being a couple is companionship – someone to share life with; in good and bad moments. This was God’s designed, packaged and manufactured, to make living worthwhile. Another benefit is for multiplication and fruitfulness. How can you not appreciate your life partner, the co-parent of your children and one who is supportive in your endeavors? Children in relationship add value to the relationship. If God has chosen to bless two of you, why can’t you bless each other and express daily gratitude for what you have; yield to each other and nourish each other. If we love God we have not seen then we have to love His gifts to us. Let us stop biting and hurting each other and begin to appreciate, respect and cherish who God has brought to fulfill and satisfy us.
The mere thought of having another human being come into your life, accept and contain with you as well as selflessly supporting your endeavor is nothing but a great work of the Creator. It should not be taken for granted or treated with a wave of hand. It therefore deserves our salutation and appreciation. As we relate with each other we become cleaved and united such that we know the likes and dislikes as well as the strengths’ and weaknesses of each other. These make for better understanding and communication. The little words of kindness, pleasure and appreciation we say to each other add value and sweetness to the relationship and groom the two into a strong unit. However, when we say bad and hurtful words to each other, those help to devalue our love and destroy our strengths’ and unity of togetherness; cause the havocs and ugly experiences we see, hear and wonder, in our daily walk with another. Lack of sense of appreciation is what contributes to the state of living lonely together that result into domestic violence’s, separations’ and divorces that are increasingly getting into dangerously new heights.
When appreciations and mutual respects are not an integral part of relationship, the couple speak hurtful words and put up indecent behaviors that help to severe the union. As if that is not enough harm, we get easily frustrate and in disharmony; stay away from home and each other as much as we can possibly do. Most times we use work as an escape route to enjoying our freedom elsewhere. Again children raise in homes of disharmony hear indecent talks, witness abuse and begin to learn to speak and behave that way. They emulate their parents and since that is all they know, extend it to schools and Churches; have behavior problems at public places and with law officers. A soft answer turns away wrath; but grievous words stir up anger [Proverbs 15:1]. The Lord is pleased with pleasant words and smiling faces make one happy [Proverbs 15:26,30a]. Also remember, “Pleasant words are as a honey comb, sweet to the soul and health to the bones” [Proverbs 15:24; 18:6-7; 21:23].