A Healthy Family Stay Married
A Healthy society spring up from a healthy family. A healthy family is where mom and dad live and rear their children in love. A healthy family is where couples are happy and secured; they bring into the relationship their various strengths and weaknesses, determined to make them work for good. The foundation of a good family is a strong, secured marriage. The couple must have love and commitment for each other; treat each other with mutual respect, acceptance and willing to relish each other’s shortcomings [weaknesses]. They must have God in the centre of their relationship, strong belief in His saving grace and sufficiency in all they do; whether it’s in rough times or good times, they raise their children and deal with other members of the family as well as the society in love and sound mind.
However, two strong elephants have invaded the farm yard of good marriage and caused insurmountable damages that is costing the society a great deal to fix. They are divorce and fatherlessness. These have caused not only break down in original family structure as invented by God, the creator but also causing a threat to the future family well being as well as the society and nation. The divorce rate has suddenly surged upward; juvenile delinquency and unwanted pregnancy become common features of our society. The crime rate is on the increase, abuse in marriage a common feature; our children suffer depression, earn poor grades at schools and drop outs. On the other hand, many families are struggling to live without father’s presence while the associated consequences beg for urgent attention. For these reason we urged couples to stay lovingly married, to avert the problems arising from separation, divorce and fatherlessness. Don’t forget that good families don’t just happen; it’s achieved through hard work.
The following features are elements of good marriage:
God’s design and Institution: The key to good and secured family rest on the foundation of God and His word. God designed and instituted marriage to reflect his relationship with the church and prepare mankind for immortal relationship in eternity. The purpose God created human beings [male and female] in his image and likeness was for blessing, multiplication, fruitfulness and to have dominion [Genesis1:27-28]. It was not God desire to keep man alone. That is why He made a helpmate, companion to complement and help man in his daily endeavors [Gen.2:18]. For marriage to be successful, it needs undivided commitment to God. God becomes in-separatable part of any marriage and good family that then depend on Him for sustenance and guidance in living and rearing their children [Due 6:5-7]. Couples should study, meditate daily on the word of God, worship and praise and offer prayers to Him in the name of Jesus. They should teach their children their God and beliefs; attend a bible believing Church with them. “A family that prays together stays together.”
Become one: God instituted marriage on the bases of two becoming one [Genesis 2:24-25]. For this reason a man leaves his father and mother, cleaves to his wife and becomes a couple, a unit and one. Even though they are two physically but are united to share life as one. This is an area where many couples have failed to fully understand the working together in God’s wisdom and fulfilling His requirements. To stand before God and crowd of witnesses and promise to be cleave to each other; to love and abide in good and bad times; then turn around to play feeble is folly on anybody. Building a loving, lasting and fulfilling relationship calls for strong commitment and constant effort on the part of both spouses. It takes love, mutual respect, trust and compromise; open and good communication, sharing goals, values and acceptance of each other as well as willing to forgive always. Becoming one entails standing against influence of families, peer groups, old friends and past experiences. Both must be willing to be opened [naked] to each other. Most especially couples need time together to develop and nurture their relationship.
Unconditional Love: To love your spouse is a daily decision and promise. It’s not based on what the person does, weight, height or failings. However, good behavior lightens the burden. There’s no marriage without a conflict; no relationship without disagreement. Some conflict shall never go away because marriage is a union of two imperfect people. In his book, unconditional love, John Powell says, “weathering the storms of the love process is the only way to find the rainbow of life.” Couples should be quick to resolve conflict. “The process of forgiving is different but it’s essential in a loving relationship.” We should be able to ask and give forgiveness. Many spouses have no forgiveness in their dictionaries. They keep malice and live week after weeks holding resentment against each other. Life is a journey – that will cause you to grow and mature. Forgiveness will stretch and strengthen you. When bitterness and anger flare up, let go those feelings to the Lord and let God help out. A parent who harbors resentment towards the other spouse will transfer same to the children. The Bible commands men to love their wives as Christ love the Church; wives to honor and reverence their husbands. However it takes God’s grace to love unconditionally. Only God loves, when we are unlovable.
Mutual Submission: Submit to one another out of reference for Christ [Eph 5:21]. We are living in a society where submission is looked on with ‘gender prejudices’ and misrepresentation. Chauvinism is the antitheses of submission and God’s love. Apostle Peter urges wives to be submissive to their husbands, so that if any of them does not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of the wives……… [1 Peter 3:14]. In Romancing your husband, Debra White Smith says, “Submission is influence, submission is beauty, submission is of great worth to God. It’s also the key to your husband’s heart and the avenue through which romance will flourish.” It’s also the key [not nagging] of heightened romance and excellent sex.” She adds, ‘When it comes to sex, submission is electric; when it comes to romance, submission is magic. Submission is unconditional love in action. A wife who experiences this kind of love for her husband is eager to meet his needs. Their men in response to wives striving to meet their needs open their hearts and envelope their wives in love and submit to their needs. One of the most powerful acts one can accomplish in one’s marriage is submission. It’s not weakness; it’s an act of inward strength that will revolutionize a marriage. Submission offers husbands the security they need to completely release their hearts to their wives.
Multiply and Fruitfulness: ‘Didn’t God make you [husband and wife] one body and Spirit with her? It was that you should have children who are truly God’s people……….’I hate divorce’ [Malachi 2:15ff]. When God created man and woman and cleave them together in marriage, He charged them to multiply and fill the earth [Gen1:27-28]. God’s design and creation was that children would be reared and raised by two parents [male and female]. Mom and dad parent differently. While moms care and nurtures children, dads develop skills that help them face the world around them. Studies have shown that children raised by active involvement of two parents [male and female] are emotionally secured, balanced and matured with full personality. These children grow in love, secured, healthy and in fear of God. They become healthy family, good society and nation.
Selfless Service: The purpose of coming together in marriage is to love each other and offer oneself selflessly to the other. ‘True self love is different from selfishness. Selfishness ends in the self; true-self love is integrated with a desire to love and serve God and others.’ When you become conscious of self and practice me-first behavior, then you’re selfish. You think highly of yourself and care little or nothing about your spouse. A Christian behavior should flow in JOY =Jesus, others and you.
Controlling factor: “There are very few men who would want a drill sergeant for a wife.” Men as well as women dislike controlling partners. Men abhor living with domineering wives and women dread controlling mates. Unfortunately many marriages are nothing more than a battle ground for power. This is disillusioned. A woman who tries to control her husband can in no way respect and revere him. Laura Doyle opines, “If you trust him and respect his ideas rather than trying to control, that frees and empowers him to be all he can be in all his relationship including marriage. Doyle further says, “Until you stop trying to run his life, you’ll never know what it’s truly like to be married to your husband…..” If he feels dis-respected, his natural instinct to provide, protect and adore his wife is derailed….” Debra smith says, ‘one of the signs that respect is dying or has never existed is when attempting to control the other person creeps in.’
Reach Evangelist Ogbonnaya, Godswill at: weefreeministries@yahoo.com or P. o. Box 720035, Houston, Texas, 77272